Hanji Zoe x Reader

Rather Be Alone (With You)

Summary: It's Hanji's birthday but, even during a party, they seem slightly... off.

a/n: this is just a small story to show my love and appreciation for my favorite character. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY LOVE ♡
warnings: fluff, smoking and drinking, kissing.

The loud music coming from inside the apartment is now muffled by the closed glass sliding doors. The cold air feels nice on their skin as they look over the city, the twinkling lights resembling thousands of fireflies dancing in the sky.

The ice in their cup clings against the glass as they swirl the brown liquid around, the smell being an earthy and fruity mixture as it is a combination of two different kinds of whiskeys. Though tonight is supposed to be a celebration, Hanji would rather be at home with a book and maybe some hot chocolate.

A long and heavy sigh escapes them as they place the cup on the marble ledge, reaching for their back pocket and pulling out an unopened pack of spearmint flavored cigarettes.

For a second, the song that plays becomes more recognizable and louder, only to be muffled away once more with a swift closing of the doors. Hanji can hear a few quiet footsteps joining them on the balcony, though they don't turn around to acknowledge the other person's presence.

No words are exchanged, but the pure feeling of calm and easiness that washes over them is enough to let them know exactly who is standing there. They still aren't sure exactly what they want to say or even what it is that they should say in this situation, so they remain quiet, giving you the opportunity to be the first one to speak.

"What are you doing out here?" A calm voice enters their ears and they can't help but allow a smile to take over their features. The cigarette now loosely dangles from their lips as they reach for the lighter. When there is no answer, you move closer to them, body leaning against the balcony ledge while making sure not to hit their cup, "It is your birthday party, after all."

Hanji sighs before taking a drag out of their cigarette, the smell so faintly familiar yet still slightly unpleasant, even if it reminds you of them. They hold it in for a few seconds before exhaling, picking the cigarette between their index finger and their thumb, their glasses resting on top of their head as they seemingly avoid eye contact with you.

"I never asked for a party," they say. For most, that sentence would come off as ungrateful and slightly bratty, but you know Hanji like the palm of your hand. Enough to know that they only smoke when they are either extremely drunk, which doesn't seem to be the case, or when they have something that is eating them up alive.

Your expression softens as you take a step closer, your eyes analyzing their face and there you find it, the smallest hint of pain. Your heart aches in your chest as you watch Hanji take another drag out of their cigarette, quickly followed by a sip of their drink before even exhaling the smoke.

"Aren't you having fun?" You ask quietly, your eyes silently begging them to talk to you, to give you any sort of information that would be useful to change this nagging feeling in their chest. Once they blow the smoke away from you, Hanji turns to look at you, a loving yet guilty expression on their face.

"That's not it," they whisper, an almost shameful look on their face. Their index finger taps on the cigarette, getting rid of the excess of ash that forms before they bring it back up to their lips, their brain struggling to put into words exactly what is the problem as they take another drag, "I just... Really wanted to spend the day with you. Just you, in our bed, with some books or some tv shows. We could have made a pillow fort or - "

"Sunshine," you whisper in return, your hand gently touching their face as they turn the other way to blow the smoke once more, your voice is careful, laced with so much love, it would be enough to get them to overdose on it. You take the cigarette out of their hand, putting it out on the marble ledge, "Why didn't you tell me? I would have stopped Moblit and the others from putting this party together for you."