Infatuation (PLL Emison AU)

Fear and Loathing

A/N: I know everyone is eager for Emily to discover what her dear wife has been hiding from her. We're ALMOST there, but not quite yet. But soon. I promise.

Disclaimer: There's some NAT darkness in this one, so tread carefully.

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Chapter 28:

Fear and Loathing

Alison's thoughts were consuming her. Her obsession to follow the warped trail of breadcrumbs was distracting her from everything in her life. She felt the proverbial noose tightening around her throat.

Maya's key was the drumming of the tale-tell heart, beating under the floor. It was her white whale, an obsessive pursuit that felt impossible. It was never-ending.

She was off her game during surgery. The only thing that kept her focused was the blood. It had always been a calming center for her. She focused on the smooth flow that always accompanied the first cut and let her hands do the work.

She hadn't killed anyone in far too long.

Noel Kahn.

She could count the days, hours, and minutes since he'd taken his last breath.

At first she'd been distracted with sex. A lot of sex. Her honeymoon had fed the beast inside of her quite well.

But she was starting to feel uneasy about her copycat. She didn't just want to kill them. She needed to kill them. But she also wanted to dissect the brain of the person who had followed in her footsteps.

Why did you do it?

What made you start?

Why now?

Are we alike?

I need to kill someone. I NEED it...

It was starting to eat away at her.

Would this be what it felt like after she quit for good? Was it going to be endless overpowering urges and repetitive begging for release?

She'd seen many patients in her psych rotation suffer through withdrawals. Now she knew what it felt like to have a drug yanked away from her. During the day she was able to keep her mind busy. She was able to satisfy the hunger with a small taste of blood.

Nights were harder. Her heart felt like it was going to explode. Flashes of heat gave her night sweats that she had to scramble to hide from her wife. Her hands had a horrible tremor. She was barely able to pour herself a glass of water without dropping the water pitcher.

She knew if Emily caught her in any of her weaker moments she could just lie and tell her she was nervous about the SLK.

The truth was she was nervous about killing the SLK...the part of her that had been giving her a reason to live.

I don't need it now. I have Emily.

Her brain was buzzing with activity that she didn't know how to silence. She knew it was only a matter of time before Emily figured out the truth...or before the whackjob in the shadows did something drastic to get her attention. Alison checked in on her wife as often as she could without being obvious about her intent. She was terrified her demented killing twin might hurt her.

Lately when she was intimate with Emily she had trouble being in the moment. The connection that they'd found was wavering, and Alison knew it was her fault. There had never been a problem that sex couldn't solve, but her orgasms weren't even quieting the raging river of thoughts swelling in her mind. Emily tried to satisfy her, but Alison couldn't get out of her own head.