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5

"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."- Chuck palahniuk, Diary.

02:13  AM 

In the rat's race ,  you just need to give a piece of yourself to the world , so you can survive the day.

That's what I'm doing tonight.

I open the window ,  I sit on the floor beside it , and  I light up my cigarette. Don't do it girls , it's nothing but a stupid habit. I'm just too coward to take my life away instantly I guess , so I chose to kill myself softly , slowly.As I watch the fine lines of blood streaming down my forearm. I knew that I can breath again. I close my eyes , as I take in all the satisfaction that I needed for today.

*Flash back*

The room was somber, I was sleeping on the cold hard floor. My knees were weak , my throat was dry , my fingers were swollen , my nails were filled with dirt and my vision was blurry. I need my glasses.

what day are we on ?  i lost track of time ,  I don't  even know if it's the  morning or  the night. 

The creak on the old worn floorboards grew slightly bigger as the heavy footsteps were approaching. All my cells were screaming to run away. But there was nowhere to run to. I wanted to call help , but my the words were stuck in my throat . My tears were racing down to the floor, and I felt helpless . The rusty door opened and the light of a torch blinded me.

He approaches and grabs my hand , pressing on it to feel my pulse.He smells differently . I try to look up , and seeing the suit , i knew it wasn't him. 

- Guys , I found her , we need first aid team immediately her heartbeat is very weak , the policeman said in a worried tone through his radio.

                                                                              *end of flashback*

I was 6 years old , and right after I woke up from my coma , I didn't find my parents by my side. I knew then , that they were gone too. For two years, I didn't shed a tear. I didn't feel anything . I didn't remember anything. My therapy lasted a year , with no progress. My aunt concluded that going to another state would help me. And it did , I guess. 

However , the first day we settled in the new home in north dakota, I broke down to the floor crying. My aunt cried also holding me , comforting me with her soothing voice. I love my aunt , but her arms felt weak around me , I didn't feel safe. I was not protected by the fortress that I needed. She was leaning on me too to succumb this disaster. I needed to be strong for her too. From that day , I closed on that chapter and moved on.

All I know and do is often mechanical . It is odd but effective. No one suspects my past . As far as the people can tell about me  is I'm a shy and silent girl.  That's all I need.

Yet my peace was torn apart yesterday by that pair of angry eyes . Only for him my forgotten pieces have woken up , outraged . Out of control . Creeping slowly to the outside and claiming to get out.

A deep hunger rises within me , and suddenly I'm hot again. What's Between my thighs becomes soft. And my nipples perk up . What kind of a man is he. His kiss wasn't beautiful but maddening.

For a fleeting moment I felt all the chaos that I've always feared . the rough hands , the pain , the blood , the scars , they were all present at once. I didn't remember anything. The logical part of me hopes I never meet him again , yet everything else in me disagrees .

The blood on my forearm coagulated and my trembling didn't stop .

Thnakfully , My aunt is in her night shift in the hospital.  

- come on rose you need to get up , I hummed to myself.

I showered , I treated my scars and I threw my stained dress in the washing machine. .they don't look that bad this time, one week and they'll be gone. My phone was buzzing the whole time , but I am too tired to look up that app again.

My bed is the only friend i have now . Tomorrow is a new day , It's another path.  I'll sell my account and be done with all of this , and I think I'll buy us a car with the money or do a makeover. 

POV : omniscient :

The green light of the pc's camera is on . the microphone of her phone as well.

It's quiet , only the whistles of the wind were heard .

Hugging her teddy bear , rose fell in a deep sleep , small beads of sweat are crowning her forehead . Maybe, she's seeing nightmares again . But rose isn't alone , someone is watching her.

His muscles are tightening up , whatever feeling he is trying to contain , he's not doing his best in handling it . Sitting alone in his dark room ,  where only the noises of the computer's fans and hard disk reigned,  his eyes were glued to the big screen . He perceives every movement. Attentive to every detail of her face.

Obsessed ? Hmm it is incorrect . Intrigued and curious is more appropriate for his kind of mind. Snooping on others is not from his doing , but this time is different.

He have been watching her for a while now.Every time he got the chance to. 

He was wandering too , when this habbit would stop , and does he really want it to stop.