Growth And Healing

Chapter 02

Chapter 02
Biological factors

Relax, this is not a biology class. Even though we should've been taught that in schools but the system is failing all of us.

So the actual problem here is not you, nor what happened that caused you to be an emotional wreck at fourteen. It's the brain structure which we have no control over. This goes deep into the family history.

DNA, genetics and the brain chemicals are all factors to form you and your personality as a child. Some children are more sensitive than others and that refers to what they inherited from their parents/grandparents/ancestors. The brain of a child is designed and programmed to explore and believe almost everything it's being told by an elder person. So if you were an annoying child, or sensitive, quiet, crazy or a social butterfly. It has nothing to do with you. That's your brain's chemical balance.

I asked a psychologist and a therapist on how children experience trauma, or what causes that in the first place. She said, it's all about the parents. Children are happy and innocent creatures, they don't understand what's right and what's wrong. Nor actually knowing what they're doing because their brains are programmed to play and have fun. So when the opposite happens it will cause an error and raise the question: Why mom/dad doesn't love me? She spoke of many points on how to heal a traumatized child and all but that's another topic. So, when you get these errors, when these negative data enters the child's brain, it will stay there. Forever in the subconscious mind.

Everything we do, the way we behave and think as teens, is a response to these data we gained as children. And the way our personalities are formed as adults, and the habits are a reaction on how they were processed as teenagers. And that's when it's difficult to change. Because it's all in the subconscious mind.

Know that whatever you experienced as a child is never your fault but it's your responsibility now to deal with it. You didn't cause it, but it's your job to fix the damage it caused. This is life, don't say it ain't fair. This is the way things are.

Now we start with the questions.

1_ What kind of a child you were?
Honestly, don't try to come up with the best image you can find. Really what kind of child you were?
Personally, I was sensitive, very sensitive and innocent.

2_ What kind of family you had?
Now I know many would say, my parents were strict, or they were fighting all the time or they didn't allow me to do anything. Focus with me, not only the memories you had. I know these kind of families cause trauma, but try to go further in the question. Were they showing love? Caring? Believe me sometimes when your mom woop your ass with a slipper is a sign of love and care. At least in my culture.
Another point, these kind of parents behaviors are based on unhealed trauma. Maybe not all the time but keep that in mind. 

3_ What types of people you were interacting with the most as a child? Here I mean friends, classmates, teachers, whatsoever.
These people have a very, massive influence on the child brain because once you're in school you will hear the adjective 'cool' and you would love to be addressed under this 'cool' category. Even if it means to do drugs. So dig up your memory and see what influence they left behind.

4_ What do you remember clearly from your childhood?
Here is an important element. What is the major vibe you remember. This is one or two vivid moments in your head. I had witnessed situations lived in my head rent free and I got rid of it only few months before writing this book. Something formed a certain belief or point of view. Moments like these, positive or negative, shape our expectations on others or how we view people in general. Maybe we are not aware of, but it happens in the subconscious mind. But to others it could affect their emotions and not their expectations. Maybe they would have a phobia of something, or be so in love with particular street or whatever.