Growth And Healing

Chapter 03

Chapter 03
Shit Gets Real Now

We identified the cause/the influence of the current situation of trauma. But why it developed? How come we have a personality traits that are newly gained yet related to what we experienced? We will be talking about this point in this chapter.

A friend of mine developed a phobia at the age eighteen. Philophobia. The fear of falling in love. For quite time, he blamed himself for not being a good partner. Looked down at himself for being weak. But I was there and tried to help him to understand this fear. What we did was, digging back in his memories. Turned out he witnessed something horrible at the age of ten. Something was committed under the name of love which immediately caused his mind to associate love with violence. That was his brain's first impression on love. It's just like fucking up on the first date and ask for a second chance. No matter what you do, the moment you slip a little, BAAM, you're on the black list. That's exactly what happened to my friend. At sixteen he fell in love for the first time. His relationship was toxic and abusive. He didn't notice that because up in his head that what was familiar in love. After the breakup he was emotionally wrecked. And since love only brought him pain it was something bad.

The breakup and his other past crush experiences, developed the bad first impression of love he witnessed at the age of ten. So what's happening here is, sometimes something happens, and stays buried somewhere in our crowded head until it's triggered. Just like gas. It's there, not causing any harm until fire is close.

That thing could be a divorce, or family issues. It stays there until you be in a beautiful situation that promises to change that impression but the plot twist, what you fear happens. Being cheated on, breakup, betrayal and so on. These small events will trigger the past which will cause a reaction. This reaction will be shaped in a phobia, anger issues, trust issues, depression or anxiety. Sometimes even worse, it could lead into suicidal thoughts.

Present or recent events trigger old memories/ events or situations. When we grow up, it will grow up with us. Since that's what we believe we will start to attract more of it. You believe men are trash, you will meet all the bad ones. You believe all girls are shity, you will meet all the drama queens. You believe you don't deserve happiness, depression will be your friend for eternity. You may say, that's not true, I do believe there are  good guys/girls/humans. Or I know my situation will get better. But is it so? Does your subconscious brain believe so? No, it does not. If you don't find a solution here what will happen.

As an adult you will be broke and broken. Sad and lonly. Always having the worst people in your life. Because you always low you will attract low quality experience. So what we will discuss later is how to fix this mindset. Since the struggle is mental, we need a new mindset, not a new surrounding. Because, changing mindset will change your surroundings.

Also in this section we are talking about the controllable things. Illnesses like anxiety and depression could be hard to cure since at sometimes they happened without any reason at all. (Which we will discuss in the later chapters)

Now do as me and my friend did. Try to link things, logically and see what in your present triggered your past and how it's affecting your perspective and thoughts.
These things ain't easy to face nor admitting it yet you must do it. This association and impression not always true. It's not always black and white. You experienced something bad, awful indeed but that's not how it should always be.

Now ask yourself this question:

_How do I associate (something)?
_Why do I associate it with that?
_Do other people have the same feeling about it?