Growth And Healing

Chapter 04

Chapter 04
Healing is painful

Now we did all the theoretical work, time to put it to action. Time to face all your fears and trauma. You thought we already did that, didn't you? You have always known them yet never aware of them nor actually facing them.

I want you to calm down and try to relax. Take a deep breath and let's go through this together.
What I personally did. I wrote everything I felt. How I used to feel about myself and why. How I thought my family felt about me and why. And how I feel about it. Listen to music that trigger these emotions and cry. Allow yourself to cry and live these moments as if they're happening again. Imagen the person you love/trust the most and speak it all to them.
I couldn't contact my friend that day so I visualized her and cried my heart out about the whole thing and said all the words I was afraid to speak to myself. Then I wrote it all. The process of writing alone took me days for I discovered a new feeling everyday. Allow yourself to feel that, face it even if it hurts. Cry for hours if you need. Even if you don't have that person, I am your therapist book so peak it all to me. Everything. Go through that one by one. All those words you wished to shout our from the roof top. Admitting such things could be overwhelming but no one said this is easy. Take your time letting go of all the hidden sorrows. The purpose of this is to be real to yourself. To never lie about what you feel. Yet we all have this voice which makes us doubt in saying 'Don't say that' 'Don't feel like this' 'You are selfish' and all of these things. and they are all wrong. Again these voices are response to the trauma. 

The second thing is to look at the positive side of what you feared. In my friend's case he started to read about real love stories that ended up happily, and about all the amazing ladies out there. He found a reminder that true love is all about respect. So he found more stories about respectful love until he started to witness it in real life. Some of his friends got engaged or found their one and only. He still believes love is painful but only if you choose the wrong one.

In my case and my insecurities and anxiety, I started to mediate and ask myself, why do I care too much? Whatever people say will effect me not them. I am the one who is living my life. Not them. I reminded myself of all the points we talked about earlier. My insecurities are not my fault, they are childhood trauma response but fixing them is my responsibility for I wish to have a good future. I also like my friend believed I would never find love and love isn't meant for people like me. But why? Why I don't deserve happiness? And the answer is, I do deserve happiness and just because I didn't find someone yet that doesn't mean I'm not lovable.

Now this is not always the case. sometimes it's more complicated, like abusive parents, toxic environment in which you ask what is the positive side in that? what could be possibly good about this? Let me explain. the thing is these are outsiders. This is the outside affecting you which you have no control over but you can train your brain on how to feel about it and how to deal with it. And yes, the emotions related to the brain, they are a reaction of thoughts. And training your brain and controlling your thoughts might take time. But we are all here for you, don't worry. 

Through confidence comes self worth and value. And confidence is a skill to be practiced. Start with simple things. Wear that crazy necklace you were afraid to be judged by. Or that outfit you think no one will like. As long as you're comfortable in that. Do it. It for sure will feel weird but later it will feel like you.

Now, sit back and relax. Write down the answers to these questions.

Who am I now?

What my personality is like?

How is my current routine?