My feet seemed to know what I was supposed to be doing before I did. In seconds I was up a rushing towards the door. The truth of it all has been this, we had wasted so much time being confused, leaving each other in the dark that if I let another second go by without him I knew I was going to lose him.
Christian was already opening the door to his car by the time I reached the door. What happened next was completely involuntary but totally necessary for I were to get him to stop.
"He's gay!", I shouted at the top of my lungs.
Chris froze. His eyes widening in the moment as he stood dumbfounded by this newfound information. His hand tugging at his golden brown hair was the only telltale sign that he was responsive in any way. His hair became disheveled from the constant movement of being pushed every way possible by a frustrated hand. It was evident that he was debating in his head with himself on how to handle the situation from here.
The parking lot was void of any patrons other than the two of us, which I was grateful for. There was nothing that could have made me feel more awkward than if some poor family had heard me yelling about someone else's sexual orientation. They would have probably misunderstood the entire situation and most likely deemed me a weirdo.
A few moments passed but Christian did not move from his stance his body still halfway in the car. Why wasn't he saying anything? Or at least making an effort to move away from his escape?
My irritation was increasing with his silence. This was as good a chance to e plain as I was going to get so I decided to make my move and close the distance between us.
Closing his car door I stood in front of him. I pushed his chest gently to wake him from his stupor but he caught my hand. He moved, finally. He held my hand to his chest and sighed. I couldn't help but notice that he seemed so stressed for some reason.
With my left hand I reached up and caressed his cheek. "Christian, Ben is gay. Like, really gay. We aren't together. Justin and I aren't together. Ky and I aren't together. I've been waiting for you but you... I only want you", I confessed.
I paused waiting for a reaction but got nothing.
"Damn it, Chris answer me!", I was practically begging now for anything. "Did you hear me? I only want you! I don't care about her, whoever she is. I just want you".
Another moment passed before Chris was able to eventually speak. "...I was jealous... of a gay guy?", he said finally, his green eyes flickered up to meet mine. "And who's her?", he asked his eyebrow raising slightly in the cute way that it does.
I shrugged laughing lightly. "Yes you were and the girl you were dating back in Canada".
The blood rose into his cheeks and he began to bite his lip nervously, but at least now he was responsive. My right hand was still caught in his grasp but now his thumb was rubbing curious circles into the back of my hand. Swiftly he shook his head still confused. "A girl I dated in Canada?", he asked again.
"I don't know. She's really pretty with brown hair and soft skin, and she looked really sweet, like a fairy... your type of girl", I sighed defeated and dropped my hand from his face. An imagine of them smiling popped into my head and I grimaced. They looked so perfect together when we weren't even from the same place.
"Elise?", he questioned after thinking really hard.
Shaking my head and shrugging I finally had a name to put to the face. "Sure, whatever her name is. You had her, but I don't care about her. When you left you were mine and I don't want you to leave again", my confession tumbled out like a badly written apology. To which I only received a more confused stare.
"Elise is my cousin!", Chris tried to refrain from laughing by biting his lip and I watched the confusion dissipate into nervous relief.
My own expression shifted as his words began to sink in. "Oh...", was all I managed to say in response to what he had just said.
He then burst out laughing. "You thought - I - was dating - my cousin? Ew", it seemed he couldn't stop laughing when all I wanted to do was face palm myself for not asking. "Is that why you've been ignoring me these past few months?", the mood was beginning to sober and I was wishing for the world to swallow me up.
Of course that was the reason but now I felt stupid for assuming. But he had assumed I was with Ben when I so obviously wanted no other man than him. "Well, yeah... I mean you got jealous of Ben and we're fighting for the same team!", I exasperated throwing my hands in the air dramatically.
"What was I supposed to think! You guys were all buddy-buddy in that booth at Bennie's", he defended.
A sly grin crept into my face and he soon acknowledged his mistake because he started biting his lip and turn that cute shade of strawberry red on the sides of his face. "So, you were jealous?", I teased playing with the collar of his crew neck sweater.
He dropped my hand to hide his embarrassment much to my disapproval. One last chuckle escaped his lips as he wiped his eyes. I mumbled my incoherent disappointment but grinned at the situation we had put ourselves in.
Embarrassed I buried my face in my hands and murmured, "We're idiots aren't we?", to which he answered by wrapping a firm arm around my waist as though to ensure I wouldn't run away. Little did he know that that was the last thing on my mind.
Chris was quiet for a moment shaking his head hand still pressed against his cheek eyes hidden behind slender fingers. Shyly, he made a gap and peeked between his ring finger and pinky at me. When he saw me still staring at him expectantly his hand ran down the length of his face and attached to my free hip. Smoothly he lowered his forehead onto mine causing my lip to quiver in anticipation.
Quickly I tucked it between my teeth and held it there before it could give away my feelings. He took in a slow breath before talking.
"Yes, I was jealous... but only because you're mine and I don't want any other guy trying to get his hands on you", his eyes sparkled in the way they did on our first time at the beach. His gaze was so intensely intimate my insides fluttered as though begging for his affection.
"Chris-", I was breathless staring up at him.
"You are mine, right", I know he meant it as a question but there was something demanding in his tone that made me believe there was no room for questions or defiance.
I smiled. "All yours".
Christian smiled back at me, "Good", and without missing a beat he plunged his lips into mine in a deep passionate kiss. His hands gripped my waist so tightly I could feel the tips of his fingers pressing into my skin. A sensation like wild fire burned through me electrifying my veins causing my head to spin. Desperately, I clung to him afraid of what would happen if I let go too soon. Would I fall? If I did would he catch me? I needn't risk it. Instead I just stayed there, wrapped in his arms, drowning in his touch completely alive and totally at peace.
"I missed you".
