I stood frozen in place as I faced him. Those eyes, the same aqua I missed, bore deep into my dark hazel eyes. A wave of emotion washed over me and I wanted to hug him and kiss him and slap him all at the same time.
"I missed you", Chris was the first to break the silence lingering between us. His voice was huskier than I remember our maybe it was just because I hadn't heard him speak in such a long time.
My heart quickened and I felt my chest tighten under the pressure of his words. Did I miss him too? Of course I did and now that he was in front of me, holding me, it hurt. He was the most important part of my life and then he left and moved on with life while I was still trying to pick up the pieces of our past.
"I missed you too", my voice was barely a whisper. I could feel myself slipping away into a mix of sadness and pain and longing. I couldn't even find it in me to be mad at him. He wasn't wrong for moving on. I was wrong for not being able to.
"Then why are you crying?", he asked using the pad of his thumb to wipe away a stray tear. When had I started crying?
I shook my head and stepped away from him. He shouldn't be touching me. We weren't together and I couldn't let myself fall again and then...
"Stephanie, please-", his voice broke as he reached out to me but I denied him by flinching away.
"Chris, we can't", I whispered sadness ripping through me like a jagged knife. "We can't pretend like everything's okay or go back to how things used to be", more tears flowed down my face and I wiped at them furiously. I shouldn't be crying and I was angry with myself for not being strong enough to hold my tears at bay.
"Good, because I don't want to go back to how things used to be", he said and I felt myself deflate.
Of course he didn't and why should he with that beautiful Canadian girl waiting for him.
He took a step toward me and before I could back away he reached out, took me by the waist and pulled me to him. His eyes were a piercing green that bore deep into my skin like they were searching for my soul. "I want to start over. Stephanie, I missed you too much to let you go. When you stopped talking to me I was so confused. I didn't knife what to do", I could feel his frustration building add he released me trying to find the words to express himself. "Nothing felt the same. I couldn't hang out with my friends back home. My parents were worried I'd turn into some hermit or something. I saw your face, everywhere, and- and everyday I just wanted to wrap my arms around you", he did this add he spoke making my blood run cold, "look deep into your beautiful eyes", I was no sooner list in his gaze than he had did the words, "and kiss you and never let you go".
His face lowered until his lips were a hair away from mine. I could feel his cool breath on my warm flesh and it made me shiver. My eyes were closed and I was running in autopilot. Slowly, I brought my lips to his and simultaneously the world started to spin. A longing groan rumbled passed his mouth as I clutched his arms to balance myself. It felt like everything in me was finally sparking to life for the first time and I felt the hole in my chest fill up again. This was what is been waiting for all these months. It was like Chris was my life water and if been walking in a desert alone. But what about little miss Canada? I decided to forget her for the moment and focus on the man in front of me. I'd have answers soon enough.
...
It was now three and Ben and I were sitting in a booth at Bennie's. We had long since ordered and devoured our ice cream and were now just talking and our conversation happened to revolve around a certain viner.
"So, are you two back together?", Ben asked looking curious than I have ever seen anyone before. His brown eyes inquisitive and bold in the bright light of the afternoon sun.
"No", I admitted defeated. "We've drifted too far apart. I miss him and I wish we could just make up but sadly life doesn't work like that... Well, at least my life doesn't".
Ben puckered his full pink lips into a pout. "That must be really hard", he reflected and he was right.
Life without Chris hasn't been life. I was constantly being reminded of him. Everywhere I would turn there was something he liked it some place we'd visited. The happy memories haunted me like dead friends. It was too difficult I found myself shutting down more and more.
"It is, but I still love him off course... I just wish I had the chance to tell him before he left. Ya know?", mouth vomit. I can't believe I openly admitted my love to someone I just met. I hadn't even told Ry.
Ben's brow shot up in surprise. Then, as the door to the shop opened, returned to normal. He landed in but only slightly as to not seem suspicious of gossip and whispered, "Well, maybe you'll get to tell him now".
I raised my eyebrow questioningly but then I felt the booth bench sink beside me.
"Hey", Chris' husky voice was at my ear as he placed a soft peck on my jaw under my ear.
My cheeks flushed nervously. Why did he make me feel so anxious? "Hey", I whispered shyly.
"Hi", Chris said again which confused me.
I furrowed my eyebrows. Didn't I respond?
"Hello", Ben replied.
Oh, yeah. I came here with Ben. "Sorry. Ben this is Chris. Chris this is my friend Ben", I introduced them snapping out of my shock.
I heard Ben giggle. He knew I was nervous. He was reading me like a book and was enjoying every second of it.
"What are you guys up to?", Chris asked draping his arm around me making me shiver.
Ben was the one to answer. "Oh, just sitting here. Talking. About y-"
"Alright, that's enough", I interjected embarrassed that Ben would even think to divulge we had been discussing Chris to his face.
Ben snickered but Chris gave me a confused look. I waved him off. An awkward silence spilled over us as I telepathically told Ben to keep his mouth shut.
Standing rather obnoxiously, Ben cleared his throat. "Well, I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back", he announced being way too loud. I'd kill him later.
His tall frame stalked away and disappeared into the bathroom. Chris has been relatively quiet and I was confused as to why he was here. Just as I was about to ask him he turned to me with a serious look in his eye.
"Who is he?", he asked his tone urgent but he was doing his best to seem nonchalant.
I decided it'd be fun to mess with him a bit. "A friend", I shrugged and looked down at my lap afraid he'd see right through me.
Out the corner of my eye I saw Chris nod his eyes on his own lap. After a few moments he spoke. "Well, I'll go and let you too get back to your-whatever this is. Date thing", he started to stand but I held onto his hand.
"Really, Chris?", I have him a look but I really wanted him to stay. "This really isn't a date or anything. Ben and I are just friends. That's it", I tried to convince him.
"No, it's fine, Steph. I'll see you later", he pulled away from me using enough strength to loosen my grip.
I sighed as I heard the heavy front entrance door shut behind him. What were we doing? Maybe letting him back in wasn't the best thing to do. If I could just stay away from him then maybe, just maybe, I won't feel this hole in my chest anymore. It hurts so much. I hate it but I can't hate him. I love him and that makes the pain so much worse.
