One Girl Two Worlds

8. Losing it

I woke up at 5:00am this morning, getting about 3 hours sleep. I don't know why but I couldn't get back to sleep, something was on my mind and bugging me, but I didn't know what.

I pulled the covers off of me, and slowly walked into the bathroom, eyes half closed and trying not to walk into anything. I switched the bathroom lights on, blinding my eyes as I walked in.

I sat on the floor for about half an hour, just staring into space and thinking about my school life and how I feel. I finally stood up from the floor and just stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes started to water heavily as I picked out every flaw on my body. I just wish my legs were bigger, my arms, my waist everything. I'm tired of always being made fun of my weight I hate it! Constantly being told I'm anorexic or have an eating disorder, or I'm ugly to look at. I just put a smile on my face and say 'ok', bit inside I'm dying. Why are my cheeks this way? My lips are too small, my eyes are ugly and my nose is so strange.

I started to cry even more.
"Why am I like this?" I screamed into the mirror. I wanted to punch my reflection but managed to pull back my arm. I fell to the ground covering my head crying to myself. Tears dropped down my face, and I could taste salt water in my mouth. I lifted my head as I heard someone, leaving tear drops on the bathroom mat. Immediately I sat their silently panicked incase someone was going to walk in. Luckily no-one did.

2 hours passed and I decided to get some breakfast. I walked down stairs making sure i didn't look at any mirrors, because I could not bear seeing my reflection. I put some bread in the toaster and got the Nutella out, and my normal cup of orange juice. As I was waiting for my toast, I could feel my eyes start to water again. I took a deep breath and said 'hold it in Zoe, you can do, you can do it'.

I was so sad that I didn't want to do anything. Mum, dad and joe went out for a meal, and I said I couldn't go because I wasn't feeling great, but in reality I really did not want to leave the house. I spent the day watching movies in bed, having the occasional cry and eating my popcorn.
I don't know why but something in my mood completely changed.

AN:
Sorry this chapter is quite short but it's a sad one:(
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