One Girl Two Worlds

6. Emotional wreck

I couldn't sleep that night. So many thoughts were going round my head, and I was so scared. I decided that there was no way I was getting to sleep, so I grabbed my laptop and spent hours looking at anxiety symptoms and just learning more about it. I did loads of tests on the Internet and answered them as honest as I could. I would shake so much when I clicked the 'finish' button I was so scared. Every test I did, my result was always positive. And to make it worse, it was always the highest anxiety or it said extremely severe.

I was up until 3 am last night just taking tests and crying myself to sleep. I know you might be thinking, it's just a mental illness and people are dying, but just knowing that I'll probably live with this fear forever and it will never go away just terrifies me. I'm scared incase I can't be normal again and live a normal life.

The next thing I knew was that I was going to school. I guess it wasn't too bad, because it was Friday and Fridays are good because tomorrow is Saturday and Saturday means no school, which makes me happy. I looked in the mirror to get ready and my eyes were so red from crying. For some reason this made me cry even more. I was an emotional wreck anything that reminded me of last night or that day just made me went to cry. I looked at my phone and panicked. It was almost time to go to school and I only just got out of bed! I skipped breakfast, quickly brushed my teeth, and put on an outfit and walked to school.

I arrived at school on time. Thank God. I went to my locker hung my coat up and grabbed my books for my first lesson. I got to my classroom and somehow everyone was there, and I mean everyone I was the last person. I suddenly felt my heart drop. It was beating out of control and my palms started to become sweaty and my body started to shake. There was no way I was walking into that classroom, everyone staring at me and becoming the centre of attention. I did not need that right now. So I didn't walk in. I hide in the bathroom until my first lesson started. And I could leave a few minutes early so I won't be late and I will be the first to get there!

So I spent about 45 minutes in the bathroom. My phone vibrated and I got a text from Alfie.

"Good morning beautiful"

This made my heart melt. talking to him is like eating pizza everyday, it's that good.

"Good morning gorgeous" I replied. "how come your texting me? Aren't you at school?"

"I'm off sick today." Alfie said.

"Aww I hope you get better babe <3" I typed.

Alfie replied back, "don't worry about it! Quite glad I'm sick because I get to miss my French oral exam, haha!"

I laughed out loud, then quickly covered my mouth remembering that I can't speak incase anyone heard me. And if any heard me I would be dead. I checked the time and it was 2 minutes until my lesson was about to start.

"Babe I have to go my lesson is about to start. I'll talk later and I hope you get better :) love youuu"

"Thank you, I'll miss you! Oh and by the way how come you replied to my message aren't you in form time!"

I suddenly froze. I can't tell Alfie that I was scared to walk into a classroom! So I replied,

"I felt a bit dizzy so I went to the nurse. she said I had to leave to go to my lesson."

"Aw I hope you get better. anyway you need to go to your lesson. Love you more x"

I hate lying, especially to Alfie, but I had to. Anyway i left the bathroom and went to my first lesson, which was biology.

I was the first one there so I sat down and got my books out. Everyone started to arrive a few minutes later. I kept my head down but Jasmine and Louisa still had to come up to me. I could feel my whole body start to shiver.

"Zoe where were you? I bet you were fucking a teacher in the bathroom" Jasmine asked me. Louisa started to laugh.

"I was at the nurse" I said

"Of course you were, same bloody excuse" Jasmine said walking off while rolling her eyes. Louisa following her like a lost puppy.

Uhhhh those guys are so annoying. I wish I replied, "yeah I was fucking someone, your boyfriend" yeah I know I'm not great at comebacks, I'm learning.

Anyway biology class kinda sucked. I sat there having no idea what was going on. And whenever the teacher asks the class a question everyone sticks up there hand except me. Sometimes I know the answer but I'm too scared to speak in front of the whole class. I thought everyone felt this way but, I guess not. I couldn't concentrate in that lesson. Too many thoughts were running round my head, like how to go to my locker without anyone stopping or seeing me, or wishing I said something different to Jasmine.

It was lunchtime. I grabbed my lunch and sat alone. Since I sit alone all the time I've just gotten used to it, and I kind of like it now. My phone vibrated, it was Alfie. Suddenly the biggest smile appeared on my face!

"Hey little one. Do you think you could come over tomorrow, feeling so crap just lying in bed all day and I'm missing your beautiful face :)"

Omg I wanted to cry of happiness, he's just so cute and uhhhh I love him!

"Awww babe i'd love to come, I'll definitely be there, is there anything you want me to bring?"

"Um just some condoms."

I just froze and laughed so hard!

"I'm kidding!!! Anyway I'll see you there."

"Ahaha bye Alfie! Love you lots xoxo"

Definitely something to keep me going and smiling. Haven't seen Alfie in ages, I'm really excited now.

•chapter 6 is here! Sorry I haven't been on I've been really busy. Definitely getting into this more so I'll be righting more, hope you like it so far!•