Tevun-Krus #101 - The New Frontier

Alien Concepts - A Story by @Lamplighter1890

Alien Concepts

by Lamplighter1890

Meanwhile back on Zyar...

Astronaut-Professor J.T. Bodismell was preparing to give a culture and language lesson to his hosts, the Zyarneese.

The Professor (his preferred title, as the title "Astronaut" limited the scope of his intellectual ability - in his opinion) enjoyed his role as Chief Cultural and Education Liaison with the Zyarneese, but his ultimate goal had evolved into his establishment of a "University of Earth" on their planet. Of course, this university would include his lifetime appointment as chancellor, guaranteed sabbaticals on other planets, and tenured retention (so that he could bring his friends - umm colleagues - on board with termination proof employment regardless of incompetence, maleficence, or other nasty words).

The Professor greeted his Zyarneese students as they phased into the room and offered their traditional welcoming of self-flagellation. He wasn't fond of their "greeting" but was working on it.

"Good morning, today we will continue our lessons on some of the concepts used on Earth."

Professor Bodismell walked up to the lightboard (like a chalkboard, but you get it) and drew a straight horizontal line.

"Let's discuss shapes, like this straight line for example - yes, Bugcubu what is your question."

The Professor had a lighted signal system installed so that each student could "ring in" when they had a question. This was an invention of necessity as the Professor couldn't tell when his Zyarneese students were raising their "hands."

Bugcubu sent his question to the room telepathically: "what is straight mean?"

"Ah, this is an easy one," thought the Professor.

"Straight means a line or a shape that has no curve or deviation in it." Ta-da!

Then Ancwpinuin lit his question light: "no curve? what is that?"

Then the professor remembered that there were no straight lines or shapes on Zyar, EVERYTHING had a curve or bend.

"Shit - teaching this concept will be a difficult" thought the Professor. So, he decided to rely on a tried and true technique used by educators galactically - skip to the next chapter.

"So, the word 'straight' means other things besides a non-curved shape, for example, it also means telling the truth in a direct or perhaps unflattering manner."

All the student lights illuminated at the same time.

"Shit, shit," thought the Professor who had forgotten that the Zyar had no concept of lying - they only told the truth.

"Oh wait, 'straight' also means sexual preference, and that a human..."

Then the Professor remembered that the Zyar are unisex and therefore had no concept of sexual preference - they just mated with other Zyar. Damn, he hadn't even explained that 'straight' was a hand in poker or the non-curved part of a racetrack.

The Professor looked at all of the blinking question lights and decided that this was going to be a more difficult gig than he had anticipated. To become successful here, he definitely needed to contact the Intergalactic Educational Service and demand that they send him a graduate student.