Once Upon a Time~ (A Kinda Lesbian Story)

Chapter Four

The days after Jazlyn had left became more and more lonely. I stopped "dating" boys in my class, I stopped hanging out with Ayona and Molly; I slowly began to isolate myself.

In addition, letters between Michelle and I became less and less. Michelle's mother had Michelle involved in almost every activity including soccer, choir, and math club; thus causing Michelle less and less time to write back to me. I still remember the last of many letters that I received from Michelle. It read:

Dear Aly,
I want you to know that I have tried very carefully to say this right, but I do not believe it will say exactly what I feel. But let me give it a try.
It has been over a year since I left Germany yet somehow I still miss you every single day. Mother has signed me up for every activity that money can buy, yet I still cannot forget about you and our friendship. About our love. But as much as I wish it were not true, my mother will not give up until she is certain that we are no longer together. Because of this I have a suggestion.
Let this be the last letter we send with each other for many months, maybe even a couple years. Let us try to find happiness in our own separate worlds, maybe find a boy that can give us what we gave each other. If for nothing else, let us leave each other for our parents, who are so very desperate for our separation for they think it is unhealthy.
One day we will meet again, I am very sure of it. One day I will return to the states and I will find you. If we can we will pick up where we left off. Maybe the increase in age and wisdom would convince our parents of our love. Or perhaps we will instead be only friends held by a thin string, thinned by years of separation. Or even, though I pray that this is not so, we will know each other as strangers do with only a distant memory of our love to connect us.
I am deeply saddened that it must in this way, but please remember that this is not forever. Instead it is an opportunity of a new beginning later in life.
Love Always.
Michelle.

This day as I sit with a typewriter, recounting the events that led to the present. I struggle to remember the exact words Michelle used in her last letter. Though I know very well that our second grade writing standards were not to the quality that this letter here possesses, I do remember that the context was the same. That my relationship with Michelle was over, possibly forever. To this day I can remember the coldness that flooded my chest. I can remember the anger that over took me after reading it for the tenth time, the red and white fury that caused me to rid that letter into a million pieces and scatter it over the front lawn. I can also remember the immediate regret I felt after I had done so. The last letter from my love was gone, forever. But more than everything, I can remember the last lines Michelle wrote on the letter: "Love Always, Michelle" That is something that I will never forget, as long as I live.

As if it were planned, only days after I ripped Michelle's letter into a million pieces, my mother sat with me on the couch after school. Still in her work uniform, I could smell the hospital's sickly scent.

"Aly, I need to talk to you about somethings." Mother's voice sounded with pretend emotion. I stayed silent.

"Aly, Michelle's mother called me and told me that you and Michelle are going to get some space. You are so young and we do not want you making mistakes." Her voice softened. "I know you think that you are in love or something similar. But really all you feel is a powerful friendship. Nothing more. Sweetie, I know you do not believe me but girls simply do not like girls. Boys do not like boys either. It is just not natural. One day you will meet a nice boy, when you are much older of course, and it will all make sense. I promise. But for now, I need you to forget about Michelle. I need you to forget about this silly idea of liking girls. It is foolish. Just forget it okay?"

For a second I thought about it. When I looked at my mother she showed genuine concern. Looking at her face I realized then how old she was. Wrinkles showed next to her eyes and mouth, caused by many years of tears and laughter. Two silvery gray hairs poked out of her light brown hair. It made my second grade self sad that this woman before me was a stranger. Her long hours are work kept her away from home and therefore caused us to be distant. In that moment I wished to explain to her my feelings. How my stomach fluttered like a billion butterflies when a mere thought of Michelle appeared in my mind. Or how girls in my class seemed so different from boys, more beautiful and attractive.

But I knew it would be no use, instead I nodded and let her win. In that moment, I let my mother and Michelle's mother win. To my dismay, over the next couple months, I felt myself loosing my connection to Michelle. I no longer thought about her everyday, my stomach did not turn into butterflies when ever I though of her name. Instead, I made new friends and "dated" more and more boys. My card got pulled many times, and my teacher did not like me at all. But I continued living and finished my second grade year. The ups and downs of it all became history as I continued living my life. Second grade may have been my "slutty" year, but in reality third grade now seems as though it was my favorite elementary grade yet also the grade that began changing me into something I was not. For better or for worse.
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Sorry for no update. But here is one now! I had a huge writer's block and came up with this so let me know what you think! I will try to update soon but no promises!
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