The Ink That Haunts Us

Chapter Ten

What Freya had said seemed to play in a loop in my head. I knew my feelings toward him were becoming muddled, but I hadn't expected him to return them. As if I needed one more thing to worry about right now. I had known Derek for three years, and there was no way he could be interested in me. Surely I would have noticed something that big, right? Me being as clueless as Freya had said, stuck in my head like glue.

    No.

    I wouldn't buy into it. There was enough going on in my life right now as it was. Derek was my friend and that was the way things would stay. Even if what Freya was talking about was starting to make sense. All the long looks and side glances or the heated stares he had given me. They should have clued me in.

    "Are you okay?"

    So lost in my thoughts, I hadn't heard my studio door open, and the sudden appearance of the man occupying my mind nearly startled me out of my chair.

    "Christ!" I breathed, clutching my hand to my chest.

    "I knocked," he chuckled, strolling further into my space. "What were you thinking so hard about?"

    "Nothing really," I shrugged. "Just something Freya said and the crap that's been going on."

    "You should have told me." Those dark green eyes stared at me intently.

    "Why?" I tried not to squirm in my chair.

    Derek hadn't spoken to me since yesterday when I had come clean. I was surprised to find him talking to me now. I figured he would need more time to cool off.

    "Because we're friends and we used to tell each other everything. Yet, no one aside from Mack knew anything about your past. It's bullshit, Tink. We tell you everything and you can't be bothered to give us the same courtesy."

    The shame I felt made it hard to look him in the eye, but I held his gaze.

    "You all must think I'm an awful friend." I let out a breath, frowning. "You're right, you guys do tell me everything and here I am with all my horrible secrets. Jensen chewed me a new one for the same thing yesterday, but the thing is, it's not that I didn't want to tell you. Everything about my past was awful, and I was so ashamed of how weak I had been. You guys only know the strong Saw and I never wanted you guys to see me as some weak thing that couldn't even stand up to someone who abused her for years."    

    The scars I held from my past ran so deep, on and under the surface. There were so many things I wished I could still hide, but I knew my family wouldn't allow me to do that anymore, and as scary as that was, I was glad I didn't have to anymore.

    Derek reached forward and pulled me into a hug.

    "Tink, none of us will ever see you as weak. It took an unbelievable amount of strength and courage to get out of that nightmare. Despite all of that, you rose above and became a strong, loving, beautiful, independent human being. That is strength."

    I would not cry.

    "Stop saying nice things," I sniffed, "or I'll do something really dumb like get snot all over your shirt."

    Derek's chest rumbled with laughter. "Way to ruin a perfect moment, Tink."

    "Thanks, big head." He gave me one last squeeze, before stepping away.

    "Anytime."

    "How's Ollie?" I asked, changing the subject. It was always easier to deal with someone else's drama.

    "She's great. She's adjusting well to living with me." He ran a hand over the back of his neck, looking unsure.

    "How are you adjusting?"