The Ink That Haunts Us

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I can't do it, I thought as I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

    When had I become such a coward? Before Declan took me I had built myself into a strong person. A person that wasn't afraid of a challenge. But now, this Saw, this stranger staring back at me in the mirror, I didn't know her. I didn't understand her weakness. She was completely foreign and I had no idea what to do. The very thought of going to the shop to work with Derek so close made me break out in hives. Going there to confront him was a fantasy.

    The thought of seeing him again filled me with excitement and fear. I missed him terribly, but I didn't know if I could take being rejected. For him to look at me the way he had the day I returned. It was more than I would be able to bare.

    There was a light knock, and I turned to find Mack leaning against my open bedroom door.

    "You ready?"

    I turned wide, fear filled eyes on him. "I don't think I can do this, Mack."

    Before I could blink, he was across the room with his hands on my shoulders.

    "Baby girl," he murmured, his eyes sad.

    "I've lost myself," I choked out. "I don't know who I am anymore." I felt lost more than ever and I was so scared I would never find my way back.

    "You've been through one of the worst things a person can go through. You have only just begun trying to heal again. The first time I met you, you were not the Saw I knew five months ago. No, you were just as lost as you are now. Maybe even more lost. It only feels much worse now because you know who you're supposed to be. You will get back to there. You will find yourself again.

    "I'm not saying you will be the same person you were before. You've been through so much and that changes a person, but you will find yourself again. You will be much stronger. You have to give yourself time to heal. It's not going to happen over night, baby girl." Mack pulled me into his arms, holding me close.

    He was such an incredible person. I wasn't sure if there would ever be a way for me to repay him for everything he has done for me.

    "I love you, big daddy." I rarely spoke those three words. To me, those words had always been sacred and should only be spoken when they were truly meant. And in this moment, I meant them. I loved Mack with my whole heart. I was so thankful to have him in my life.

    "I love you too, baby girl," he replied, gruffly. "Now, get your ass in gear. Your going in today." He pulled out of my hold, heading for the door. Before he left, he turned to meet my eyes. "Besides, Derek's not going to be in today." With a parting wink, he was gone.

    Armed with that knowledge and everything Mack had said to me, I felt like that was a slight chance I could get through my first shift back at the shop. When I turned my eyes back on my reflection, I narrowed my gaze.

    "You are a badass female, and there isn't anything you can't get through. You are a fighter. A survivor," I said, fiercely to myself. I wasn't sure if I one hundred percent believed those words, but it made me feel slightly better.

    Grabbing my bag from the floor, I headed for the door.

    "I'm driving myself!" I called to Mack as I pulled open the front door.

    "See you there!" I ignored how it sounded like a threat.

    Mack had kept my car for me while I was away and for that I was thankful. It was hard enough knowing I had lost my apartment. It would have really stung if I was out a vehicle too. Having Mack drive me everywhere I needed or wanted to go really didn't sound appealing. I missed the freedom of being able to take myself places. Now that I could, I wasn't wasting any opportunities.