I walk

the distance

I Walk

I walk, and walk, and walk, and walk. Ever so slowly I tread down the same path which I do every day. They say that light is always at the end of a tunnel, but as it is shone brightly, I slowly turn away from it and move to the life in which I am about to depart. Walking down the lane of memories, I am reminded of the many mishaps which have happened to me throughout the years of my life. My friends, family members, relatives and friends I have lost. All seemed to slowly turn towards me. I stare at one particular face, though. It is mine. A portrait of my mother and father; siblings are included in the photo as well. Their faces seemed so wonderful, each and every one of them. But something was different, with my face. I wasn't smiling. It wasn't me not smiling, per se. It was just a very sombre, depressing look. As mentioned before, the eyes of the portrait followed me as I trotted down my lane of memories, but this photo of mine... slowly started to smile, but its grin was unsettling. Its face soon morphed into a demonic-looking grin, with its mouth nearly touching each ear. While my heart was racing, I was still unfazed. It was as if...as if I had always looked this way. I continued to stare into my nearly lifeless eyes of myself, as the ground started to shake. Turning around, all I saw were memories falling apart, and the ground begins to break from beneath me. I looked at the photo again, and I noticed that I was the only one there, the smile now gone, and my eyes a full black colour. The only thing that left my mouth of myself was...

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me..."

The ground faded away, and I fell down into the abyss. As I was falling, I heard some laughing, and I turned to see myself as a child, a very happy, joyous child. My right hand began to glow, and leave trails of light as I descended. My left, however, began to grow dark. From my hand, I looked up, and saw myself, falling with me, but this time I looked much different. The portrait before showed a person who was had a demon who controlled his emotions, but now, I looked sad, but not so far that I would say suicidal. I've been around many who have had faces of depression, but it wasn't that. It was more, of stress, and anger, and rage pent up to just leave a face of distress. My entire left arm soon became a cold, dark, lifeless appendage to my body, while my right was a warm bosom of happiness. Soon, a tear left my left eye, and a small grin began to show on the right side of my face. I wanted to feel loved and warm, but I felt alone, and so cold. Even while in air the falling, I curdled up the same way I was during conception, and put both hands to my face. Weeping on one side, and being comforted on the other. After a short time, it felt as if the falling had stopped. There was no impact which was felt, and there was no wind felt surrounding me. I lowered my hands from my face, and looked at them. They were both fine, none with light nor dark. I got up once again, and continued down this path which was set for me.

I walk. I walk and I see myself again, but turned facing opposite me. I heard nothing until I took once step forward; a large yelling in my mind screaming to myself,

"HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN!!?"

Startled at what happened, I continued to look up; he was now facing me. My eyes shone red with rage and anger, fists clenched, and a glare of death in my face. Once his mouth opened again, the voice rung through my head,

"YOU ARE PATHETIC!! HOW DO YOU THINK YOU OF ALL PEOPLE COULD BE SOMETHING? YOU CAN'T GET ANYONE, YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!"

As my eyes closed tightly due to the intensity of my voice, I slowly opened it, and saw a flashback of myself speaking to people, mainly girls. I've had issues with them, but I didn't think that it really mattered. But I always thought to myself that I was being stupid the way I spoke towards them; saying that I am pathetic and that I can't do anything right. Not only that, but my life used to always be centred on being the best and at the TOP of EVERYTHING! I always beat and bully myself mentally whenever I never did anything correctly. I only saw myself as progress which needed to be worked on, and nothing but that.

There and then is when I then realized that, it was myself. That rage inside me berating myself was speaking directly to me! I opened my eyes, but my inner self was gone. I got up and looked around until I saw a bench, and I saw myself sitting on it. Seeing that it was my other self, I wondered what I should do, until it looked back at me. Scared and uneasy by my own presence, I started to speak to him saying to him,

"So...what are you doing? Is everything alright?"

There was no reply, but only a slight nod. As I breathed a sigh of relief, I noticed that someone passed beside me. It was a girl. The same girl whom I helped in a situation, and a very close friend of mine. Next to her were my parents, and both seemed to be speaking to me on either side. She sat next to me, her head down and crying, my parents were next to me, whispering through my ears. I walked towards the bench and faced them, seeing myself cry as well. After they both finished speaking to me, my head lifted up, tears dried, and a hug was given to them. After the hug was finished, they disappeared. I then observed that my other self was speaking to the girl, apparently mouthing the exact same words which my parents spoke to me. She then lifted her head up, and tears dried and gave me a hug. Once it was given, she took my hand and led me away, and as my inner self followed her, the eyes of mine trailed back, giving me a slight grin, and nod. After that, they disappeared into the darkness.

I walk slowly. Ever so slowly, I walk towards the dark place which both the girl and my inner self left. However, when I reached there, it was just a mirror, and in that mirror, were the many inner personalities and feelings which I had encountered before. I noticed them all, and I knew that they were all me. Every single emotion which I had felt throughout my life until now, they were all me. I heard a voice behind me, which then turned to voices, and a light soon emitted from the tunnel which I walked away from. I looked from the tunnel back to the mirror, and all of the personalities opened their arms, wanting me to welcome them back. I looked back at the tunnel and saw her face, her beautiful smile. I heard the laughter of my baby sister, cousins, relatives, brother, parents, older sister, and friends; of them. They all wanted me to come back. I loathed my emotions and how they made me question who I am inside. I stared blankly at my inner selves, and looked towards the tunnel, and as the light engulfed me...I began to walk.

My eyes opened, and I saw myself in a hospital bed, people around me, blurred and muffled voices. I felt pain in my head and my chest to which I was only barely able to make out the words,

"car accident, almost died, thank God he is alright, and love him so much."

Hearing those words brought chills and happiness to me at the same time. I then saw her, her radiant face, and her tear-filled eyes. Once she saw me awake, she fell on me, hugging me tightly and crying at the same time. I felt pressure on my chest from other warm bodies that being my mother, father, siblings, and friends. When they all asked how I was and how I'd been, I just told them,

"I went for a walk."

Thank You