Dear John

Marlena

April 12, 1993

Dear John,

I'm so logical sometimes that I find it almost painful. At what point do I let my heart override my logic? I'm so lonely without you, John. I knew, I needed you. I knew, I depended on you, but I guess I always thought you would be here for me. A rather naive assumption, I now realize. When I returned to Salem after those five years I was gone...I came home to you. You were who I pictured in my mind. It was your arms I wanted around me. It was you I wanted kissing me, making love to me...all of it was you. If you had loved me then...if you had chosen me over Isabella, would we be in this situation? Would I have stayed with Roman, if you had loved me then, the way I loved you? Is it unfair of me to ask you that? Probably. I know you loved Isabella, but when I came home...I don't know...I guess, I thought our love was stronger, more intense. I had grand ideas of our love overcoming any obstacle...and in the end, it didn't.

When I was gone, I wasn't aware of time and space, but now, it's tearing me to pieces. I'm selfish. I know, I'm being selfish. How can I ask you to come home, to stay in Salem for me, and then turn you away when you offer me the purest form of your love? I have more questions, then answers. This could ultimately be a letter filled with questions, and no plausible answers.

I do know this...the more I try to make this marriage with Roman work, the more effort I put into it, the further away I drift...from Roman, from my family, from my friends. I wonder why that is?

I love you,

Marlena