Dear John

Carrie

June 8, 1993

Dear John,

I miss you. Sami and Eric miss you, too. Marlena is miserable without you. She didn't tell me that. I can just tell. She doesn't laugh anymore, although I guess she tries to hide it. I can tell though. When I'm around her and Dad, they try to act like everything is okay, but I know it's not. They barely speak. She's quiet, all the time, and he pretty much ignores her.

I wish our life was like it used to be. I feel so guilty when I say that, because my dad went through so much, so what I really wish was that you were home, and Marlena could be with you, and we could be a family again...but that makes me feel guilty too. The little girl in me wants her family back, the one she had seven years ago, but the adult in me knows that it's so much more complicated. Being a little girl again might be easier.

I wanted to tell you, but I don't know how...G-d this is so awkward...okay, so I was looking through Marlena's drawer the other day for a scarf, and I found a pregnancy test. It was positive. I tried to ask her and Dad about it, but she cut me off. Later she asked me not to mention it. I told her I wouldn't...it's just, well, I just can't figure out why she wouldn't want Dad to know. Babies are a blessing, but then I thought...well...

So, the night you left, Sami and I were throwing a surprise party for Marlena and Dad's anniversary. Sami agreed to go with Jonah to the police station to get Dad, and I said I would go to the airport to try to catch you before your plane left, because we thought you might want to come to the party, and, well, I heard you...you and Marlena...I heard your conversation on the plane. You didn't know I was there. I shouldn't have listened, I know that was wrong, and I swear I left when you kissed her...but maybe she doesn't want to tell Dad about the baby because the baby could be yours? Why else would she not want him to know? It's not my business, I know. I probably shouldn't even send this letter, because it'll get me in trouble. But is it possible? Could Marlena's baby, be your baby? Either way, I promised her I would stay quiet until she was ready to tell the family.

Love,

Carrie