27.12.21
Do you know what's ultimately fucked up?
The fact that everything I've learned
Has been from my abuser,
From my sexual assulter.
To be seen and never heard.
A rule I kept,
Even while being beaten on the floor.
You may see my tears,
But my cries and screams are still mine.
To having different personalities,
Ironic I was told this
By the man who violated me.
There's so many rules that I still live by,
None of them my own.
They're all rules forced on me,
The rules that became my survival.
I know I'm not alone,
But they did such a good job of making me believe I was,
So that now
I still feel alone.
I'm still so alone.
You give me all the numbers of people I can talk to,
But you know I can't.
You constantly remind me that I can talk to you,
But you know I can't.
The hardest thing about seeking help,
Is the fact that I can't speak.
It was always a joke,
That when we cried
He's steal our tears to drink.
It wasn't just my tears,
Innocence
And childhood he stole,
But also my ability to speak.
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6. The Ongoing Battle In My Mind
PoetryNothing good ever stays, no matter how much you wish for it. When you think that the cycle's ended, it's only just restarted. Maybe this is just how it is, but I've forgotten how to cope. I've forgotten how it feels to be back here. I've forgotten...
