𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙽𝚃: 𝟾𝟶𝟻
𝙳𝙸𝚂𝙲𝙻𝙰𝙸𝙼𝙴𝚁: 𝙳𝙾𝚄𝙱𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝚂𝙴𝚇𝚄𝙰𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚈
𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷
𝚈/𝙽 𝙿•𝙾•𝚅
𝗢nce again I sit in my room, in the dark, late at night, in deep thought. I glance at the clock [𝟯:𝟰𝟵 𝗮𝗺] it read, my eyes were heavy but I was too overwhelmed to sleep
I lay on my back staring at the ceiling, one lone tear escaping my eye, I don't know why it's so hard to grasp the fact that I feel this way towards someone, let alone someone who's the same gender as me
I wonder what my mom would think of me
𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑠ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑚𝑒？
𝑊𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑔𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑？
Even though these questions roamed around in my head I knew deep down she would accept me, but the real question is...do I accept myself?
More tears start rolling down my cheeks as quiet sobs leave my lips trying not to wake up my mom, I turn to my side, hugging myself, trying to feel a sense of coziness and acceptance but nothing works
Under the crack of my door I see a light turn on, I quickly wipe my tears and pretend to sleep hearing footsteps walk past my door
what is my mom doing up this late?
I hear noise in the kitchen, wondering what she's doing but I'd be dumb to investigate or she would find out I'm a mess. Hearing her come back upstairs I pretend I'm sleeping once again hoping she wouldn't check on me, I'm not a good liar or actress but to my bad luck she does what I was hoping she wouldn't do, check on me
You see, my mom knows me so well, I can't even lie to her without her finding out the truth plus I don't lie to her at all, she's created a safe space in our relationship for me to be comfortable talking to her about anything but for some reason, I could never bring myself to talk about my sexuality, especially when I'm confused myself
I try to snore softly to make my fake sleeping realistic but let's be real, I'm not fooling anyone. I take a peek to check if she was still there since it got quiet but I got startled by her presence standing right in front of me with her arms crossed, I close my eyes quickly scared that she noticed...she definitely noticed
" 𝗬/𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘂𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲? " She asked
I sigh knowing I got caught, I sit up with my back against my headboard " 𝗜'𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱 " I mumbled loud enough for her to hear
" 𝗪𝗵𝘆'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝘂𝗴? " she sat next to me sensing something was wrong, I don't respond, fearful of what conversation it might bring
" 𝗬/𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴? 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 " Her calm voice soothed me making me lay my head on her chest, just wanting to be held by my mom
" 𝗜-𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 " I said
" 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗜'𝗺 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼
𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 " She played with my hair, waiting patiently for me to start talking, finally giving in with a sigh
" 𝗜'𝗺 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗜'𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜'𝗺 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁 " it was silent for a minute, realizing I didn't give her much information for her to respond, so I broke the silence between us two " ...𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘀- 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘆, 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝘆 𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝘀𝗼 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 " I feel a hand lift my chin, I'm now looking at my moms bright green eyes
" 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗯𝘂𝗴, 𝘆𝗼𝘂.𝗮𝗿𝗲.𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝗯𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲, 𝗜'𝗺 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲, 𝗜 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲, 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜'𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻, 𝗜 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗬/𝗻, 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 " her words made me cry a river, I hugged my mom tightly, she always knows exactly what to say
All the stress that was once in my body was now gone, without another word I cuddled up to my mom my eyes feeling heavy from all the crying and staying up late
I start to doze off hearing " 𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 " before I fell into a deep sleep in the comfort of my mother's arms
𝙰𝚄𝚃𝙷𝙾𝚁'𝚂 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙴✍︎︎
ʜᴇʏ ʟᴜᴠs, ʜᴏᴘᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇᴅ ᴛʜɪs, ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀs ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴀs ɪ ᴅɪᴅ
