Prisoner

Fixing it

Even though nobody was supposed to know about our marriage, Odin ordered that I should be moved to Thor's chambers. Everybody else in the palace would believe that Thor was in charge of guarding me. After the union was officially sealed, we were sent directly to Thor's chambers which would be mine too from now on. We walked silently through the corridors and I was able to feel Thor's uneasiness even when we weren't touching or looking at each other.

I didn't know why he had accepted this union -probably because of Mother-. However, I regretted it the second we were out of the throne room. Why did I let Mother convince me of this? It was better for everybody if I was executed once and for all. After all, the only reason for my existence is to create pain, destruction, chaos, and death. Obviously, the Nine Realms would benefit from my disappearance.

When we reached the chambers, I walked directly toward the bed. Although, I didn't lay nor sit on it. In fact, I sat down on the floor crossing my legs, and resting my back on the footboard. I closed my eyes throwing my head backwards. I didn't want to cry, not in front of Thor at least, but some tears escaped my closed eyes, falling silently through my cheeks and down my throat. I didn't want Mother to suffer, but at the same time, wasn't she going to suffer more when this didn't work out? It was obvious that a forced marriage between Thor and me wouldn't have a happy ending. Even though I loved him more than anything in the whole Nine Realms, I knew he didn't love me back. Not as I did. He loved me as his younger brother, or at least, he used to. Now that I have become a monster, how could he love me at all? How could anybody love me? How could Mother still care about me?

Odin was right: he should have left me in Jötunheimr to die when I was a baby.

I felt Thor sitting down beside me on the floor but I didn't open my eyes or change my position. He tried to grab my hand but I didn't let him. Why did he have to tell Odin he would marry me? Why did he marry me? This will only extend my torture some days more. I just wanted to end this. Even if Mother would suffer, it will be the best in the end.

"Will you lie to me if I asked you what's wrong?" Thor asked in a whisper. I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"I don't know, you tell me. You are my babysitter now," I answered showing him the marriage rune in my hand. He smiled sheepishly.

"I am not going to tell you how to use your seiðr, Loki. You are the master of sorcery, after all," He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. "But I will do one thing: you are not able to use your seiðr to hurt yourself or others, unless you are defending yourself," My hand glowed with his statement. Since my seiðr was now completely linked to him, he was the one in charge of how I used it. Technically, I was able to do the same with him, but he hasn't developed his seiðr yet. And I didn't plan to live long enough to see him developing it. "Now, tell me, what's wrong?" He demanded again with a soft voice.

"Why did you marry me?" I asked him trying to hide my face in my black hair since I was crying again. Thor passed his arm through my shoulders, hugging me. I protested weakly.

"I already said it: I love you enough not to let you die," I laughed without any real feeling behind it.

"Why, Thor? I have done horrible things, I am a monster! Can't you understand that everybody would be better off without me?" I couldn't help but shout while still crying.

"I can't let you die, Loki. I wouldn't be better without you, nor Mother or anyone, really. You are not a monster. I was wrong, Father was wrong. The Jotnar aren't monsters, we were just led to believe that. But it's not true," His reassuring voice was only making me feel worse.

"I deserve to die. All you have done with this nonsense is to delay it a day, perhaps two," I insisted.

"Why do you say that?" He asked confused.