Valkyrie

Chapter 25

Fuck. That word kept going through my head while my mother drove and I sat huddled in the passenger seat, not really seeing anything as I looked out the window, keeping my walls up as high as I could and everything locked down as tight as I could get it because I didn't want Trey to feel my panic.

I didn't know what else to think except that four-letter word. I never wanted to have kids. Ever. Never ever. I've said it before. I'm too selfish. Not responsible enough. Too fucked up because of my own mother. Who in their right mind would give someone like me another life to be in charge of? No one, that's who. But I did know better. I know how babies are made. Trey and I had been as far from careful as you could get and now, we were going to have to pay the consequences.

Thankfully my mother didn't want to talk on the way to the hospital. No words of encouragement. No empty platitudes. My mother's not the kind to lie to make someone feel better and for the first time, I was thankful for that. I would have taken myself but I didn't feel steady enough to ride just then and flying was out of the question. My mind was too chaotic to be careful enough not to be seen. I was going from terror to despair to a cautious hope back to terror quicker than I could blink. I felt like I was trapped in some sort of bizarre dream sequence where I couldn't decide if it was turning into a nightmare or not.

"Just drop me off at the ER," I said as she pulled onto the hospital campus. She grunted out a sound and pulled up to the doors, putting the rental car she was driving in park. "Thanks." I reached for the door handle but my mother stopped me with a hand on my arm. I could feel the heat of her skin through the flannel I'd pulled on over the T- shirt. It was Trey's. It smelled like him.

"Everything will be fine, Hannah." I stared down at my sneakers, not believing that for a second but wanting it to be true.

"Sure," I said. It didn't feel like everything was going to be fine. I slid out from under her hand and got out, slamming the door behind me before she could say anything else motherly. I was already panicking enough. I didn't need my mother actually acting like a mother on top of what I was already going through. I watched as she drove away before I went inside.

"Sign in there," the lady at the check-in desk said, pointing to a clipboard on the counter when I stopped in front of her. "Someone will call you up shortly."

"I'm not here for treatment," I said. She looked up at me, shoving the pen she was using on the paperwork in front of her in the messy bun on the top of her head. "Can you page Dr. McConnell for me?"

"He's really busy right now," she said. "Sign in and someone will see you as soon as they can."

I sighed, closing my eyes hard and trying to find some patience. I would have sent him a text that I was coming but I hadn't been thinking straight after my mother dropped that bomb on me so my phone was still sitting on the night table on my side of the bed, plugged into the charging cord.

"Can you please just page him?"

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

I sighed again. Okay. Fine. "Oh no," I said, voice droll. "I think I'm having chest pain." I grabbed at my chest and winced. "Definitely chest pain. Oh. Ow. The pain. Won't anyone help me with the chest pain that I am having right now?"

The woman let out a long-suffering sigh before she picked up the phone. "I need a nurse to the front. There's someone out here having chest pain." She put the phone down and pointed to the chairs behind me. "Have a seat. There's a nurse on the way."

"Thanks," I said with a smile that didn't reach my eyes. It didn't take long for a nurse to come and take me to the back, putting me in one of the little curtained cubicles that they'd kicked me out of the last time I'd been there. I sat on the edge of the bed while he took my info and then tried to get my vitals.