epigraph

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I remember asking myself if it was my fault

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I remember asking myself if it was my fault. Was my presence annoying or a too common occurrence? Did you despise the way I talked with you or the way that I was always with you? I remember my mother telling me to stop crying, that my eyes would swell if I continued on like this. "You were never engaged." She'd say, "you have no reason to feel like this."

Over time I told myself the same. I told myself that I despised you. I despised the bright blue eyes I fell for and the chestnut hair of the boy who always made me smile. I blame you now. For what we had was never anything to you. I blame you now. For what my father tells me I now must do.



I remember asking myself if it was my fault. Was I not enough or was I too much? Did you not like the time we spent together or my interest in learning everything you already knew? I remember her telling me that he had a real family now. And that I wasn't part of it because I never quite fit in no matter how much I tried.

Over time I numbed myself to being forgotten. I read books instead of climbing trees. I stayed out of her path and told father that I was fine with "normal" studies. I blame myself still. For being sent away. I blame myself. I wish I could have been enough for you to want me to stay.



I... written by katie







 written by katie

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