HEAL

BREAKING

"I thought that maybe we could have make it work" Jennifer smiles sadly at her companion, who looks at her, turning her head to look at the views in front of her

"I- We already tried it" Emily replies softly, she isn't sure if grabbing her friends hand is the correct thing to do now, "We had our chance already"

"But, my feelings didn't change Em" Jennifer sniffs, she is trying her hardest to hold back tears now, " I still love you"

"I love you too Jennifer" Emily breathes in, locking eyes with blue tearing eyes, "But not in the way you deserve" She pauses squeezing her hand, "Not in the way you love me"

"I- Okay" Jennifer stays in the same position, she doesn't flinch when Emily grabs her hands again, does not squeeze back to let the brunette girl know she is okay. Because she is not.

"I really didn't meant to hurt you" Emily assures her, interlacing her fingers, hoping that the action at least gives the blonde girl beside her some sort of comfort

"I'll get through this" The older woman says, watching the sun set in front of them, this was supposed to be romantic.

"I'm sorry"

"For what?" Jennifer inquires taking in another handful of air, counting the posible beats of her breaking heart and reminding herself that she can't break now. Not in front of her. Not now.

"For not knowing how to love you"

"Nothing can be how you imagined to be", The blonde woman comments breaking their contact, "If not, everything in life would be perfect"

"It could be" Emily looks up to her friend, not bothering again to reach for her hand, leaving her the necessary space that her friend needs right now.

"That would be selfish" Jennifer points out, "If you had to convince yourself to be with me, it would hurt us both at the end"

"I know" Emily gets up, dusting off her trousers from the little particles of sand that were in her, " It's getting late"

"Go ahead" Jennifer feels Emily's hand on her right shoulder, squeezing it softly, before she hears her steps, slowly fading away, disappearing out of her sight. Almost she can imagine her walking out of her life, and that crumbles her heart so much more than it was.

She lets her tears fall now. She lets herself break down, release the pent up tension she had before having the guts of asking her on a date, the nerves she felt when she had picked her up this afternoon. Her muscles ache as the sobs get stronger, voice more hoarse as she keeps screaming internally, because her voice doesn't work anymore. She can feel her throat burn, but she can't do anything more than keep breaking and breaking, waiting until she shed the last drops of tears.

She hates that this day, the day that was supposed to be one of her favorite ones to date, had turned into something she would have never imagined to happen. At least not today. She had imagined other possible outcomes, some worse than this situation. But she never had too much time to ponder too much into them last night before she closed her eyes. Jennifer for once was hoping for a perfect ending for her day.

She feels quivering arms wrap around her, feels herself being pushed into someone else, she feels the same lavender scent she had grown to love for all these years, as one of Emily's hands caresses her hair softly and keeps her pressed towards her.

Emily had offered her friend like a sort of anchor, so she doesn't drown, in her own heartbreak, even if she was the reason for it. When she walked away, she didn't imagined to be drawn back rapidly when she heard the loud cries coming from her friend, only gone back to the car to grab a blanket for then, she had come back instantly, wrapped the blanket around herself and pulled her blue eyed girl close to her, for one last time. She had tried being as gentle as she could, choosing the right words, but in reality they are no words for breaking some else's heart.

Both friends had remained in the same space they hours ago seated into, waiting for the older woman to compose herself only long enough to keep their talk going. Emily knew that they were not even finished from all the things they needed to confess.

The blonde woman's tears seemed to cease as they watched the sky turn from late afternoon to nearly pitch black, they could identify some shining stars in the night, neither of them spoke a word, letting the necessary silence between them linger, their hands again connected in a comforting manner.

"I didn't imagined that you would feel the same" Jennifer sniffle, trying to contain a new set of fresh tears wheeling in her eyes, "I mean, I hoped that you would, but I was not entirely sure"

"Jennifer, I'm sorry that I'm the cause of your pain right now" Emily acknowledged, rubbing little circles across the blonde's arm and hovering the blanket tightly around them, having noticed a few moments ago goosebumps on the olders girl's skin.

"Don't torture yourself over it now" The blue eyed girl stated, smiling sadly at her friend, because Emily not loving her back was not something the younger girl should dealt with. Her best friend didn't need to deal with her own pain.

"How can I not?" The brunette girl inquired, letting some tears freerly down her cheeks, now she didn't deserve any compassion from her best friend, she dried her tears quickly before Jennifer looked her way. "It's my fault that you were breaking down"

"It's not" Jennifer replies softly, she isn't sure that the brunette had heard her, since she can't look at her right now, she is still breathing the comforting scent and enjoying the warmth of the crook of her neck. The posture seems highly intimate, but this was normal to them, these types of hugs had always been the ones they turned into when something went really wrong.

"It's not" Jennifer repeated once more, her voice had a little more force this time, she needed Emily to understand that she was not at fault for her reaction. So she stepped out of her embrace, took both of her hands into her and looked into those deep brown eyes that she still loves so much.

"This is not your fault" Jennifer assured her as her friends nodded slowly, "You did the right thing Em, you protected your feelings and didn't let pity get in the way"

"But what is going to happen to us now?" Emily murmured into the warm hug, a new position both of the girls found themselves into moments later.

Jennifer smiled sadly down at her, grabbing her chin and lifting it towards her, so they were eyes to eye, so the younger girl could understand what was going to happen to them, "We are going to heal"

"We are going to heal, and yeah it might take some time apart from each other Emily" Jennifer admitted, she was going to have to distance herself a little bit from her brunette companion, "But if you need me, I'm always going to be there no matter what"

"This doesn't need to change anything between our friendship" The older girl declared as for the first time she stood up and dragged the younger girl towards her parked car a few meters apart from them.

'This doesn't change anything in our friendship' she repeats it to herself until she sees the younger woman enter safely into her house. This irrelevant situation the older woman has found herself into doesn't have to change anything.

But deep down, when she finds herself in the comfort of her bedroom she knows that it's going to change everything between them. She just hopes that for the first time, her heart can take the necessary distance she would need to put between her. Time heals everything, with a little bit of luck their frienship can survive to this rough patch.

Go check out my other story
'DONT GIVE UP ON ME'