HEAL

BURNING

She could still taste it, the bitter-sweet moment in her tongue, the day she saw them kiss, the laughter that came after, the tears, happy tears from one whom once had been there with her. Years ago, she had been in his place.

Years ago, she hab been the one holding the brunette girl like that, foreheads pressed together, tasting each other breaths and locking eyes to search for a clue that meant not to repeat the action.

Jennifer didn't imagine that a heart could be broken so many time within a few months of letting go of what she once desired with all her heart. She had repeated her mantra over and over again. Nothing could change their friendship.

Everything was going great, or as great as it could be when the girl you are in love with was falling for somebody else. Someone with deep green eyes instead of her icy blues. Someone who is completely unaware of her presence.

The blonde girl tried everything she could to suppres those feelings towards the younger woman, trying to drown the butterflies around in her stomach wherever theirs eyes would cross. Or the hug when Emily didn't want to let go, days after their time apart.

The weeks without the younger girl by her side where supposed to be solely for healing, but nothing that heals can be so easy. Jennifer didn't think that healing also brought pain.

Emily has been nothing but supporting in her time apart, cautious wherever they met up for a quick cup of coffee, just enough minutes for her mind to clear. A break from passing nights in her basement staring at their pictures.

The younger girl, had already talked about him. One night she called her to talk about the cute guy she met. Although she had to supres more tears when the younger girl would describe the boy. The blonde woman still had to listen.

She had to be there for her, because of the stupid promise. Because no matter what Emily was her best friend, and she needed her. She needed a friend to talk to about a normal, even dull guy she meet while she was waiting in the coffee shop queue.

Jennifer is sure that nobody could make Emily happier than she had, but then, Brad had been around for a while, not officially like a boyfriend. That was something Emily kept stoping from happening. She is not entirely sure why, but she felt lighter when the younger girl had introduced the green eyed boy like a friend once again.

Funily enough she finds herself in the same place the brown eyed girl rejected her. Jennifer could not take it anymore. She didn't stand the boy. She detested him. Because he had her. He had Emily, while she was empty handed.

In old situations wherever the younger girl was around Jennifer would always find herself either a bouquet for the younger girl, plus a surprise previously planed. Just like she had all those months earlier, when she is sure that Emily had been scared of her reaction, remembering the little stolen glances she was giving her when she was taking her back home. The younger girl was worried, but then, so was she.

"Hey" Emily breathed rapidly when she catched a glimpse of the older woman, running, making sure to keep her eyes on the still figure of her friend. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Jennifer didn't meant to sound rude, but her heart healing or at least trying to was failing her. The prespective she once had, is no longer the same, the future she had dreamt off had been crumbled the day her heart felt into her stomach.

And everythime she sees the younger girl she feels like she is digesting it again and again, breaking it, dissolving it until it's nothing she can use to survive, a useless organ.

"Jayje" That seemed to catch the attention of her older woman, Emily hadn't been using the nickname since she was dropped of at her house, but then she meet Brad and with the distance between them, she forgot what it meant to her. To them. She forgot how the blonde girl was doing, to check on her. "We need to talk"

"I swear that we talked enough the last time" The blode girl replied, she had started walking again, if she stops all her feelings are going to come up again, and thats not something she would like to repeat. At least not in front of Emily again. Because the last time she thought that she had been alone.

"We didn't" Emily replies softly, she hates it, she hates that her best friend is hurting so much, that she is turning to be something Emily was affraid to happen. She is starting to hate her. She can notice it. In the cold stares wherever she catches her looking, what once were looks full of adoration now are just icy looks, short moments when Emily feels herself as a target. "We tried it"

"Yeah we did" Jennifer agress, paying with the sand while Emily takes a seat next to her, away from the boy she came with, next to her. Jennifer can still recall the last time, the warm blanket that was thrown on her while she felt the young girl embrace her. "Everything about this situation hurts"

Emily's heart is thobbing, it has been with a twinge since she came back from their date, the one she destroyed when she confessed her non returned feelings to her best friend. Because Jennifer had once been hers and it was maravelous, how they fit together was something extraordinary, yet scary by how everything ended between them.

"We burned so bright" Jennifer states once again looking at the shore, where water meets sand, where the sands destroy itself, just to meet with the oncean once again, "Now all the fire that we once had, it's the only thing keeping me warm"

Emily knows the feeling, the flame in her chest that she feels is what the older girl is descriving right now, but she can't let her know. She can't let her know that she is like her. She would want an explanation of why she declined those feelings. "We were burning ourselfs, it was getting dangerous"

"Well, no matter what would be the outcome" Jennifer streches herself, standing up, this time she doesn't hold a hand for the brunette to hold, "The fire is still burning me up"

"I'm sorry" Emily repeats herself, again, feeling like an absolutely fool, she feels sorry for her friend, sorry that the best reply it's a miserably sorry that can't fix anything between them.

"Don't be, it's not like you could extinguish the fire within me" Jennifer tells her, holding back a cry for her, a cry to be again in her arms, "We burnt when we were together"

This time the blonde woman leaves Emily alone in their spot, where once was their favourite place to hang out or just be, now was turning into something meanless for her, she leaves without a goodbye to the boy that was still hanging by their cars and drives away. She whises she could take the burden on her chest and set it on fire, but she can't do that to her own heart.

They were fire on fire together, with dessire and love for one another, keeping themselves warm on the cold nights, winners for life if you saw them back at them. Almost high school sweethearts, but once the love faded, the fire was too much for them to take. That is were the burning began and it nearly destroyed them.

Jennifer likes to think that perhaps they were destroyed beforehand, by peers, some by jealousy others with hatred, all of that would make their relationship, sometimes stronger, side by side. Other times desesperate for wanting to navigate high school with peace. But now they were in colleague, a colleague that Jennifer transfered into in the first year, wanting to get the younger woman back. Determined to fight for her, but the fight alone was doomed from the start.

You need two willing people to fight against something that's more complicated to win. But arriving there, knocking in the younger girls door and surprising her with a date was something she had planned for quite sometime. Determined to get the brown eyed girl back. She forgot that she was the only one left fighting against something that was way more than herself.

So now she just burns, she likes to think that the longing for something that will now never happen is the only think keeping her from dissapearing on the cold night when she can't sleep because a past love.