Shards of Sugar (Poetry Book Three)

5.) miles

I lay awake in this room of violet light,
staring into its blurry beams, late at night.
What a mesmerising sight.
How they were always right.

I've been getting lost in my head,
regretting all the things I've said.
Letting these zones of pure red
get to me, get to my head.

And I want to apologise to people in my life,
because I know I've been aloof recently, I can't lie.

But my problems are my fault,
I've been being my own worst enemy.
I need to take a step back and halt,
and go back to loving myself for me.

So, in summary,
I need to say sorry
to no-one but me.
I've been getting in my own way,
from night to day to day.
Stressing
and obsessing
over what I've done to me
and my family
and those around me.
When the only person I've hurt is me.

What's so strange
is how I'd changed.
My solitary nature had made me crazy,
internally, speaking nonsensicality.
Becoming self-critical and full of anxiety.

I'm so blessed for all that I have,
and for all whom I have,
everyone's so lovely,
honestly, honestly.
How dearly I've missed poetry,
as it always helps me maintain sanity.
How I must keep a hopeful mentality.

Need to optimistic,
need to believe in myself.
Never be nihilistic,
always need to have faith in myself.

For God is with me, always, is guiding me on this night.
Guiding my eyes to the rising sun and its divine light.
And I pray, and I try.
And the grey - it shall die.
Giving way to colours, bright.
Brought by God, seen through sight.

I must leave now, and climb this mountain of mine.
If I climb it right I might just find their holy shrine
and learn to adopt what was always mine and thine,
eastern, intricate, revered and fine.
Ours for hours
but hours run like wheels.
Slow-showing silver,
panicked it feels.
How I have put it at ease,
how now it smiles.
How I now feel the breeze,
how it travels for miles.