Treasured

34)

Wren

I wanted it to be dark. Gloomy. Depressing, just like my mood. I wanted the sky to cry tears of rain, I wanted the sun to hide it's face from sight.

The sunrise was gorgeous, with fiery reds and pinks splattering the canvas of the atmosphere. Birds cheerfully sang, hopping about from branch to branch. Squirrels chased each other across the lawn, the flowers were blooming and fragrant as always...

In some ways, I felt that it was fitting. Orion loved nature, he loved the beauty he found all around him. In a way, it felt like the day was perfect and blooming just for him. And yet...it also felt wrong because he wasn't there. He couldn't feel the sun on his face, couldn't see the flowers or hear the birds...

It was like the world didn't even notice he was gone.

I felt like I was a bystander even though everything that was happening was like an arrow to the heart. It was a delayed reaction, my heart was saving each hurt for later. It would be agony, but I had shut down emotionally.

Well...in a lot of ways.

"Ashes to ashes," The parson repeated. "Dust to dust."

Sal was valiantly holding back his tears. Robin was crying in Mr. Eddie's chest, slim body shaking. Branson was supporting my weight, keeping me steady as I leaned on his arm. June and Fletcher were solemn and tight lipped, standing elbow to elbow.

The cemetery was not that dark. Flowers and trees bloomed and grew, and I thought it was odd that so much life grew out of death.

Something splashed against my hand, making me jerk. In surprise, I found Branson's head bowed, a single tear track marring his cheek. I couldn't feel anything. Something inside was broken.

I squeezed his arm anyway, subtly offering him comfort. Public spaces were hard to navigate. Especially if your lover was having a breakdown in front of you.

The walk home was silent and heavy. Everyone was doing their best to survive waves of grief and pain. I watched as everyone drifted close to each other, only to realize they couldn't hold hands or kiss each other on the cheek in the open. Branson carried me, although Sir John's commissioned rolling chair had arrived earlier than morning. I suppose it was soothing to have someone in his arms, but all I could think of was the way Orion should be bouncing around us all, monologuing about everything that we were seeing on the way back home.

~

I crawled up on the bed, laying my head on Cedar's stomach. I knew it wouldn't hurt, and his breaths were soothing to feel. June had nodded off in the chair, exhausted from the events of the night before. He probably hadn't slept.

Dr. Farre offered me a quiet smile, but didn't bother to engage me in a one sided conversation. It was comforting that he was there - that if anything were to happen, Cedar would have help.

Hours ticked by, but I didn't move so much as a muscle. I felt frozen in place.

~

"Wren," Eddie traced my chin, catching my attention. "It's time to eat."

I turned away from him, going back to staring out the window. Food was not an option. I wasn't hungry, and even the thought of it was unappetizing.

"Wren, come love, just a bit of soup..." Eddie coaxed.

"May I talk to you?" Dr. Farre intervened, pulling him to the hallway.

I don't know what he said, but Eddie seemed subdued when he returned. He simply put his hand on my shoulder, staring out on the grounds with me.