FIREWORKS (Tronnor One-Shots)

It gets better

-Con just relax, we can do this. We are together; we are going to go through this. - We was saying this, all over again. Rubbing circles in my back, while I was crying.

Troye and I had been together for almost a year, the best year of my life. A year of truly understanding who I am and how I want my life to be.  I have been suffering with depression for almost two years now; the truth is that depression never goes away you learn to live with it. I have learned that 8 months ago thanks to Troye, my beautiful boyfriend. When you learn to live with it, is really easy to control your life and that's what I am doing now.

My depression is not as a big thing as it used to be. I have down days, that are true, but they are really different from what they were before. I can have a difficult day, but I normally get over it, normally.

Today is not one of those days.

I woke up this morning feeling alone, Troye was not in bed with me. He had a really important meeting frustratingly early, and the bed felt cold. He should have been gone for hours. Me, by the other side I was going to work at home, by my own. The worst thing was that I was not going to see Tro until the early night; it was only 11 am. It was going to be a long day and I was not sure that I would be able to get over it. I mean, I'm supposed to be able to handle it, at this point of my life I am supposed to confront the depression without a lot of struggle.

When this happen I have to call a friend, I should do it. But I never do it. I could call Ricky or Alexa or Hannah either of them would be here at fast as they could. But I am not going to call any of them, not because I don't want to, because I don't want to be a problem or a burden for them. Sometimes I think that I'm even a burden for Troye, for my little Troye. Those are the bad days. The days that I start to think about how Troye can love me, how someone would love a person like me. Those are the rough days.

 I am done editing my video for Monday and it is 3 o'clock in the afternoon, I hadn't have breakfast or lunch and I don't really care. I'm not hungry, I have been drinking coffee all day. Probably this cup of coffee that is in between my hands is the third one already, but I don't care, I don't care anymore. Today I don't care.

Yesterday I thought that today was going to be the day that I continued with my running routine, but I don't feel that either. I don't feel anything. The only thing that I wanted to do was going to bed and that is what I did. I went to bed at four in the afternoon. Troye would be here in four hours and I can't understand what today is being that long of a day. Normally, but this time, I am all stressed out because I don't have time, today I don't care.

It is probably two hours later and I am in bed, my mind has been going all over the last days and I can't stop crying. I don't know why, but I can't stop it, I really don't care either so...

"Con love, I am home."

That voice, doesn't help, I cry laugher and I can't stop it. The truth is that I want to stop it now; I don't want to be seen like this by the man I love. The boy that has make everything easier.

"Where are you sweetie?, I have been texting you all day and you didn't answer."

By now I'm a total mess. I am sobbing, and my cries are getting worse. My eyes are all blurry now, I can't know if Troye is inside the bedroom until I hear a gasp.

"Con, sweetheart, I'm here now." —Troye says reaching for my hand and making himself into the bed. The funny thing is that we have reached a level that we know when the other person doesn't need anything that cuddles and love words. I care now, now that my Troyeboy is with me: I care.

He hugs me tight, rubbing circles in my back while putting kisses in my temple. I love him, and his only presence makes me want to live. To care about myself, to care about tomorrow and the following day. But the most important of all, I want to care about that beautiful boy that is carefully making me relax into his arms.