"Don't psychoanalyze me.."

Hannibal's POV

After washing up the dishes and clearing the kitchen, Will suggested we go on a walk. The sun was meek behind the clouds yet visible and there was nothing better to do on a Saturday morning. Making our way outside, I locked the front door before trailing behind him. We must've been walking for about 30 minutes, discussing work and different cases. It seemed I might have finally sparked his interest, as he seemed fully engaged in our conversations and refused to sit in silence. However, he often faded in and out of himself, like he was having out of body experiences. I kept a close eye but thought it inappropriate to bring it up while he was relaxed. 

I never told anyone because I didn't want his life crumbling, but he worried me. A lot.

I knew he was was unstable with severe mental issues but giving my opinion -a psychiatrist's opinion- would put him out of his job. He'd have nothing without it. He'd have me, but that was basically nothing to him. I had to adjust to the fact I wasn't his whole world, the way he was mine. His life didn't revolve around me and he had significant others that could pull him out of the mental hole he'd buried himself in. 

Eventually, we found a park bench in front of the lake we'd walked the perimeter of. Sitting down, Will patted a space next to him inferring he wanted me to join him. I nodded and sat a few feet away from him. He let out a deep exhale and closed his eyes, taking in the mood and atmosphere. I stared at him, analysing every detail; his actions, head position, facial expression. He'd opened his eyes to see me staring as if I'd been startled by some inhumane being. 

"Don't psychoanalyze me.."

My eyes widened as I furrowed my brow and continued looking forward again. After a short silence I muttered "Sorry.." under my breath. Sometimes I couldn't help myself. He was so interesting. I wanted to uncover every layer of his persona, break down every thought of his. 

Understand him.

He sighed again before looking at me. I could feel him staring intently. It was rather unsettling but I again decided not to comment on this. I wanted to keep him as close to me as possible. Every fibre of his being I wanted to call mine. I felt as if I'd found my other half. But I couldn't jump too soon. He didn't feel the same way and I would never force him into this. I twiddled my thumbs, looking down at them. This felt awkward now. That was the last thing I wanted. I was expecting him to stand up and consider this a 'goodbye' but instead I felt him. I felt him. His physical touch. I felt him as he lay his head on my shoulder. I let out an inaudible gasp, shocked at what he'd just done. This felt so forbidden but so right. The thought struck me again. Did he understand how I felt? Did he feel the same? 

For a few seconds I sat there tensely, feeling under immense pressure. But the more I thought about it, the more I eased up and relaxed into the sensation. He was looking down, picking off the skin from around his fingers. He often did this when he was stressed or anxious. Usually I'd watch him until he peeled them raw but this time I took his hand into mine and put it on my lap. 

"Thank you." I heard a husk mumble. I was surprised at this, I can't lie. Yet I still managed to keep calm and gave him a soft response, "For what?"  

"For helping me. For caring about me. You're the only person I feel like I can honestly rely on at the moment. And I never thank you in the moment so I thought I'd start now." I looked down again to see his hand shaking in mine. I firmly grasped it and reassured him, "I will always help you Will.." I felt like I was stumbling over my words. Where were they? I had a response for everything so why now was I frozen in the moment? So instead I did what I do best, started asking questions. "Why now did you feel like telling me this?"

"I thought it was an appropriate time." I agree. He couldn't have chose a better one. We were ourselves here. No hiding behind the phone. No hiding from our emotions. Just raw. "Why?" I continued pestering however. I wanted to know what he was feeling; if it was similar to how I felt. "I need you." 

This did make my eyes widen. I couldn't even respond. Suddenly he removed his head from my shoulder. It felt empty and cold afterwards. That was until I realised he only did this to look me in the eyes. A tear rolled down his cheek. I didn't realise his loneliness made him feel this emotional. He took off his glasses and tried wiping it off before flooding into more. "Will?.." I couldn't hear myself think over the cries. Dropping his glasses, he put his head into his hands and started sobbing. I could feel my own eyes glazing over just looking at him. He'd cracked. I caught him in an episode. He was breaking down and the most I could utter out was his name. "Will..listen to me Will.." I continued, rubbing his back trying to be of some sort of comfort. I could hear his breathing pace picking up. It was becoming irrational. "Will..?" He was shaking violently, barely catching a breath. I lifted his head to see his face but I could barely see a soul in there. I carefully took his face in my hands caressing quickly. 

He was having a panic attack.

"H-h-hannib..al?" He tried to murmur my name in between rapid breaths. 

"It's okay Will, I have you. I've got you. What can you see right now?" I didn't get an answer, just more intense breathing. This was getting more and more concerning. One thing I had less experience with was panic attacks. I knew the basics but this was severe compared to what I'd witnessed. 

I don't know what possessed me in that moment. 

I pulled his warm face into mine and pressed our lips together, kissing him tightly. This lasted about 10 seconds before I pulled away. He gasped, taking longer paced breaths before staring at me cluelessly. 

"I..uh..read somewhere that holding your breath stops panic attacks. It was the only way I could...get you to hold your breath." His head turned downwards as his eyes glazed over. I wiped away his remaining tears with my thumb. "I didn't mean to..sorry. I couldn't..think of any other way." He pushed me away, proceeding to stand and pick up his glasses off of the floor. Then he turned away breathing shakily, "Don't..follow me." He started before walking away. Where he went next I didn't know. I sat there for some more minutes in the now uncomfortable silence. Resting my tongue on the roof of my mouth, I nodded and took a slow dawdle back to my house. 

I'd fucked up everything. This was just the beginning.

AN: heyyyy sorry for late updates I had no wifi for like a week lmao but ya this is an emotional wreck so enjoy tehehee.......owner 1 (the hot one)