Break the Man

Chapter 1

April , 1982
Curt POV

I rolled to my side. 1:22 AM the hotel clock read. I was having a hard time staying asleep that night and this was probably about the second time I had woken up without an apparent reason. I rolled to my other side to check what Roland was doing in the other bed next to mine. I sat up more and noticed he wasn't there. My eyes went to the balcony where I noticed he was sitting, his silhouette lit up by the lights in the street below us. Looks like he was having some trouble sleeping too. But that wasn't too unusual for Roland. Especially lately. Anniversary dates were never easy for him. I layed back down for a second and closed my eyes, fighting the urge to go back to sleep when I wanted to go out and visit with Roland. I turned on the bedside lamp and swung my legs off the bed, feeling my feet connect with the cool carpet of the room. I made my way to the door and gently slid it up open, trying not to startle him. He turned around to look at me as I took a seat in the chair next to him.

"Did I wake you?" He asked me, lightly chuckling.
He was tired. I could see it in his eyes. Not only from not getting sleep, but from everything. His mind and heart was a battlefield lately.

"You didn't. I just happened to wake up and I saw you out here. I came to investigate. Are you alright?" I asked, looking at him.
He kept his gaze to the streets below us, taking a noticeable breath in and then out again.

"I'm doing just fine. I mean- I'm not struggling as much as I used to. I just hate this time of year." He finally said.
Yeah, I knew it. After how close Roland and I had gotten the last few years I learned to read him just like a book. Spring and summer time was the hardest for him. The experiences Roland had with Amelia are something that he'll never be able to erase.

"Are you thinking about um- her?" I timidly asked him.
He shook his head without looking at me. He didn't have to.

"Yeah." He answered.
I'd talked with him a million times about this topic before. I basically came to the conclusion that there's really no helping him because he doesn't seem to listen. I always remind him that it's not his fault. He shouldn't be beating himself up like this over the actions of someone else. But Roland loved her. He's quite literally the definition of "love is blind." So it's hard for him to understand. I continued to sit in silence with him while he just kept thinking.

"I really appreciate you." Roland said, breaking the silence between us. I snapped my head up to look at him, noticing that he was looking down and fidgeting with his hands.

"I appreciate you too, Ro." I replied. Our eyes met for a moment as he turned his head to look back at me. I felt that feeling again. It was strange, like my stomach was doing flips and my heart was about to burst. I'd never felt that when looking at anyone before. I was aware of the feelings I have for him but it was something that I often tried to hide.

"You know I've always looked out for you." I revealed.

"Really?" He hesitated.

"Yeah. I know we've only really gotten closer since the start of the band but even before then I was always kinda with you, y'know... even with all the stuff that was happening between you and her. I was always there. I was just too scared to talk to you." I responded, looking at him.

"Well.. I wish we could've gotten closer sooner. But uhm, then again everything happens for a reason." He noted.

"Yeah. I think no matter where or when we came together we'd still be what we are right now." I added back.

"I think that too." Roland said.
I broke the moment that was happening between us when I stood up out of my chair.

"Where are you going?" Roland asked me, turning around to watch me go back in through the door.