Break the Man

Chapter 2

May , 1978
Roland POV

I got closer to her, putting my arm around her waist and settling there. She seemed timid but I knew that this was just how she always was. It was something that came with her but I knew how to get around it. My eyes were still glued to the record player, watching the vinyl spin as the Paul McCartney song Maybe I'm Amazed came from the speakers. We'd been sitting on my bedroom floor listening to music for the last hour. The whole reason we were even here together was because I was supposed to be helping her with some end-of-the-year school work. But that idea was totally forgotten. She was interested in my record collection, so I played her some music. Next thing you know we were getting closer as the night progressed. I was lucky enough to have her alone. I looked down and noticed she was looking at me indirectly. I reached up and put my hand under her chin, making her eyes connect with mine.

"Hey." I said, nervously.

"Hi."

"Can I kiss you?" I asked. She released a breath out of her nose.

"Yeah, I guess." She replied and awkwardly smiled. I leaned down and finally connected my lips with hers. I'd been waiting so long for this moment. We admitted our feelings for each other about 3 weeks ago, but never got a moment alone until now. This was the first time I'd ever experienced anything like this in my life. I've kissed girls before, but never been with someone who I've felt this way with. Maybe it's because I've never felt this feeling with anyone before. This was a true first for me. Even though this wasn't my first kiss, it was my first real one.

"I'm so glad we finally came together, Amelia." I said to her as we broke apart from the kiss. She wasn't one to give much affection back but she was finally accepting it from me. I was so glad I'd finally gotten through to her.

"I am too, Roland." She answered. I reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, and then rested my hand on her shoulder. This was one of the most cathartic experiences I'd ever had in my life. The feeling in the air right now was so exciting it almost made me sick. Here I am, at 16 years old, experiencing pure, true love. I leaned down and kissed her again, intertwining my fingers with hers. The record was still playing in the background but it didn't seem to matter. Everything faded into the background as I sank into her aura.

"Roland?" She asked as I separated from her.

"Yeah?"

"I think your family is home." She said, laughing nervously.

"OH SHIT." I said getting up, trying to make my room look less suspicious. After all, I was supposed to be helping her with her homework, not romancing her.

———————
May , 1980

"No, Amelia. I can't believe this. No. Why?" I asked her, with heartbreak clear in my voice.

"Roland, are you serious? You seriously thought that we were going to last all throughout secondary school? God Roland, you're so blind." She said, her annoyance clear in her voice. I could feel the tears starting in my eyes. I had so much faith in her. I had put my all into her and everything that we had together. And now I was watching it crumble, right in front of me. I was watching her crumble. Her mental health was absolutely horrible. There were so many times where it was almost like I was with a completely different person than the one I met those years ago. But I put up with it because I believed in her, I believed in us. But that belief was starting to fade. I was at my limit with her and I didn't want to admit it.

"Secondary school??" I asked, almost shouting.

"Should I remind you of all the times you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me? How you wanted to marry me? Live with me? Have children with me?? Jesus, Amelia. What is wrong with you?" I was broken and defeated. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. It was like everything I'd been working toward the past two years just meant absolutely nothing now. I was so lost.

"Literally what are you talking about? I don't think I ever said any of that to you. I don't know where you got that idea from but you're making it up Roland." She said, rolling her eyes at me. When she said that I almost wanted to collapse. What the hell was she talking about? Or was she right? Am I going crazy? No way. No... all of this stuff happened. I remembered it perfectly. This was my world for so long.

"I... I don't know what to say, Amelia." I said, defeated. In truth I didn't.

"Yeah... you never do. It's because you live in your own little world Roland. And whenever reality hits you, you don't know what to do with yourself." She said, not even looking at me anymore.

"What?" Was all I said.

"Don't 'what?' me Roland. You know what's going on. We both do. I need to go. I'm done." She said, as she ripped the promise ring off her finger. We'd gotten those for each other at the beginning of the year, as we had plans to get engaged at the end of secondary school. But obviously that was not in the picture anymore. She threw the ring at me and stormed out of my room. The same place, two years earlier, where we fell in love. I heard her storm down the steps and out of the door. What the hell had just happened to me? I collapsed onto my knees and started crying. I ran my hands through my hair. Yelling "FUCK!" in a heartbroken tone. I tore the ring off of my finger and threw it across the room, hearing it hit the wall and bounce back onto the floor. My mind and my heart had just gone through hurricane Amelia. Maybe I should've listened to my band mates when they told me to get away from her. Maybe I really should've listened to Curt when he told me that I was being abused. Why did it not hit me until just now?? He was right. I was being gaslit, played with, used. All of this hitting me at once was not a good feeling. I felt so sick I almost wanted to puke. I was so overwhelmed, I laid on the floor and stared at the ceiling. I was crying so hard I was shaking and I could feel the inevitable migraine starting. After a while of laying on my floor, drenched in my own tears I heard a knock at the door. I recognized who's it was, I could recognize it anywhere.
'Oh shit, we had band practice this afternoon.' I thought to myself. I quickly got up off the floor and flung my bedroom door open. I flew down the stairs and ran into the doorway, opening it and seeing him there. He was exactly what I needed right now.

"Hey are you ready for practi- woah. What happened to you?" Curt said, looking at me up and down. I immediately fell into him and wrapped my arms around him tighter than I'd ever done before. He dropped his bass on the porch and returned the gesture. I fell into his arms, almost to the point where Curt was holding me up. My head was dug into his chest, tears staining his shirt now too.

"Roland, what happened?" He said, still holding me.

"You were right." I said, muffled.

"What? Ro, I can't hear you. Pick your head up." He answered me. I lifted my head and looked at him, not removing my arms from around him. It was so comforting.

"I said you were right."