Incorrect Quotes {Multi fandom}

SG1

Cop: You're receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
Jack: Shit.
Daniel: Wait, three?
Cop: Yeah?
Sam: OH MY GOD TEAL'C FELL OFF!!!

Jack: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!
Daniel: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
Jack: I'm leaving you, and I'M TAKING SAM WITH ME
Teal'c, picking up the monopoly board: I think we're going to stop playing now.

Daniel: Isn't it weird that we pay money to see other people?
Sam: Plane tickets?
Teal'c: Concert tickets?
Jack: Prostitution?
Daniel, holding their broken frames: Glasses.

Jack: I can explain.
Daniel: Can you?
Jack: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Jack: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Daniel: Killed without hesitation.
Jack: No.

Daniel, tending to Jack's wounds: How would you rate your pain?
Jack: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

Jack: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven't decided yet' is typically a good response.

Jack: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand.
*Lightning strikes Jack*
Jack: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

Jack: I've done a lot of dumb stuff.
Teal'c: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Daniel: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Sam: I joined in on the dumb stuff.
Hammond: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

Teal'c: What does 'take out' mean?
Daniel: Food.
Hammond: Dating
Sam: Murder
Jack: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Daniel: I have a problem.
Jack: Kill it.
Daniel: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

Jack: Ah ready for another fantastic day of being better than Daniel.

Daniel: Hey, Sam, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Sam: Yeah.
Daniel: And you, Jack?
Jack: Umm... yes?
Daniel: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Jack: Did he just-

Sam: Daniel won't come out of his room!
Jack: Just tell him I said something.
Sam: Like what?
Jack: Anything factually incorrect.
Sam, shrugging: If you say so.
Daniel, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

Daniel: I'm not doing to well.
Sam: What's wrong?
Daniel: I have this headache that comes and goes.
*Jack enters the room*
Daniel: There it is again.

Daniel: ...This is one of those moments where it doesn't really matter what I have to say, isn't it?

Jack: My head hurts.
Daniel: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.