One shots

Defibrillator - just a thought of the writer

How does it feel to have a broken heart? Is a question i asked so many times. But I got differents answers. Not getting one thing in special. So first... let me put what it means and some of the symptoms.
"Broken heart (also known as a heartbreak or heartache) is a metaphor for the intense emotional stress or pain one feels at experiencing great and deep longing. The concept is cross-cultural, often cited with reference to unreciprocated or lost love."
Symptoms of broken heart syndrome:

Chest pain.

Short of breath.

Weakness.

Cold sweat.

Irregular heart rhythm.

This is what I found. Searching about it. It could be the loss of someone in your family or near to you. Or basically, the common reason.. the end of a romantic relationship.
Now I will tell you what it means for me and what im feeling tight now...
At first, after whatever someone told you. Or in this case.. what they told me. It feels weird. You have the weight of the world falling on you. Crushing you. Then... you can't believe it. Maybe you cry yes, but you don't understand. Your head is not clear, you don't get it. And start to get question running through your head.
Then... well my dear, it hit you. Say goodbye to the person you love the most. And cry again. And that is what hurts. You feel it inside your chest. Like someone is pushing down on it or somethimg burning but in a bad way and you can't do anything. After all that time together, you have to say goodbye, and not by your own choice.
What's next? You can't sleep. Because you feel the absence of that person already. Missing them. Not even a day. And in the silence of the night you cry against your pillow to not be heard. The silence of the night making worse. Curling in a small ball in your bed, feeling so small, trying to stop the cry but even like that. You can't stop.
After a few tries to get to sleep..Maybe an hour or two. you are up, with a terrible headache and still your head running around everything. Not a proper sleep.
Okay, so.. trying to start the day. But no.. everything goes slow. Without the will to do anything. Because you feel like you are KO. Wishing to stay in bed.
And if you are up... well let me tell you. Pretending is next. But my friend, looks can be deceiving.
Losing your appetite. Feeling like you can breathe. Suffocated. Like you are about to pass out. Chest pain? Oh yes, definitely.
Short of breathe? Yes. That too.
Weak? Yup.
Cold sweat? Man... I can't even describe it.
And irregular heart rhythm. Yes. Definitely yes. But this... this comes after what they told you. A fast rhythm because of the nervousness. The anxiety. Fast rhythm because of the cry. But in the nexts day, when you think everything is a bit calm. This motherfucker hits you again reminding you your loss. Beating irregular.
I don't know how long it goes this "broken heart" thing. I don't know what you have to do in this situation. I don't know how to go forward. Or the famous "move on". Because how could You? When you love that person... what kind of love do you have if you move on so Fast? Maybe is easy for others. But for me, is not. For me is like this...
So... my question is. Did you feel this too? How did you move on? How did you get up?
Because now... I can't. I will be here, moping around and being sad. I just want to disappear for a moment. Scream and cry until my throat burns and fell asleep because of it. So yeah. This is what im feeling right now.
Maybe can i ask for a favor? If you have the belief on any god or saint... put me in your prayers, please? To give me a bit of peace and be okay with it.