I Need You | Seonghwa

6

Seonghwa focuses his attention to Yunho's laptop screen, not wanting to look away. He can feel eyes on him, and he's nearly certain they belong to Haerin.

The first time he saw her was way before their first day in third year. One day in second year, Seonghwa was buying some coffee for himself at a shop. But he didn't realise he left his wallet at home and had no change in his pockets.

He didn't want to waste the freshly brewed coffee either, so he was in a bit of a dilemma.

But then suddenly, a girl came out of the line behind him and wordlessly placed money on the countertop for him. He turned to look at the girl, but she didn't lift her eyes to look at him even once. She simply paid and ran away.

Seonghwa had become intrigued and wanted to find her again. He didn't even get to thank her.

That's when he got the delight to find out that she's in all of his classes. He knows she never noticed him before, but he tried sitting near her in every class. He attempted to start a conversation multiple times, but she'd run away again before he even got to steal her attention.

He's noticed her kind acts frequently. Whether it was giving him her money when he was short, or letting people borrow her things without hesitation, she was so selfless. She didn't ever feel bothered when other people asked her for help with anything and she quietly stayed to herself.

From his observations, Seonghwa knew she'd never be the shallow type that he's encountered many times before. She seemed like someone that would see him for who he truly is. Like she'd really understand him and not want anything that he didn't want to give.

She was a person that he wanted to get close to and make happy. She seemed like she'd make a wonderful friend. When he found out that she's in the same course as him and that he'll have small classes with only students from his course, he was over the moon.

Once he saw her sitting alone, he saw his chance and snatched it. It made him so happy when Haerin finally talked to him that day, even more when she talked to him the day after. He figured that she wouldn't even remember the coffee incident now, so there's no point in bringing it up and thanking her.

He told himself he'd make it up to her by making her happy.

But never did he imagine that he'd fall for her in this way. Ever since day two, he started getting butterflies by everything she did. Being around her and hearing her unique takes on things was refreshing, and he managed to find the courage to invite her over.

When he kissed her, it was better than he'd ever imagined. However, he forced himself to wait and not get too hasty. He didn't want to risk hurting her by being impulsive.

But now he knows that he was right in making that decision for a different reason.

The first time she stared at him with those eyes, he could tell she was interested in him and wanted more. He told her that he's not comfortable with that yet, as he was trying his best to wait longer. She has no idea that she ended up making it much easier for him to exercise control.

More frequently after that day, he caught her staring. Way too many times. And it was always in an inappropriate place. What attracted him before slowly started making him uncomfortable. He expressed his discomfort before, but she only claimed that she wasn't staring.

He finds her staring at him all the time. He thought that maybe he's being delusional, so he invited her over with his friends over too. He hoped that she'd behave the same as she used to when there's others around, proving him to be worried for no reason. To his shock, that still didn't stop her from staring and trying things.

When she placed her hand on his chest, he escaped to Yunho's side. He doesn't like the way she looks at him anymore. He was once incredibly attracted to her, and now he doesn't even know if he can continue being her friend.

What's worse is that he caught her glaring at all his friends. She's becoming too clingy. He thought that by telling her that he's not sure about his feelings, he was making it clear that they are not dating in any way. But she's already acting like they're in a relationship and Seonghwa doesn't feel too happy about that.

He knows about her tough childhood, she told him everything. She confided in him about her issue with trusting others easily and how lonely she felt until she met him. With this knowledge, Seonghwa can't bring himself to tell her to leave him alone or to stop being friends with her.

He still believes that she deserves better but he might have to keep a distance from her now to stop her from getting even more attached. That way she may stop liking him too and they can finally return to being regular friends.

Seonghwa wonders if it's the kiss that caused all this. If it is, he regrets ever kissing her. He should have waited longer.

He admits, it feels like he'd been leading her on. He did genuinely like her at the time, but he should have had more self control and patience.

He knows she's very sweet and kind and would never hurt a soul, but he can't handle a relationship with her at the moment.

"Sorry guys, but I need to sleep now. I'll see you all tomorrow," Seonghwa finally announces. 

His friends get up and he gets a shiver down his spine when he feels her eyes on him again.

"See you tomorrow!" Yunho chirps as he leaves. Seonghwa smiles and waves, and the rest of his friends leave too. Haerin is the last to leave. She stares at Yunho's back for a bit before turning to Seonghwa.

He bites back a gasp when she suddenly hugs him. "I can't wait to see you tomorrow too," she mumbles into his chest.

He hopes she can't hear his pounding heart, and not in a good way. He feels so unsettled right now. But then again, he thinks about all that she's been through and still goes through and can't find it in himself to push her away or tell her to stop doing these things to him.

But it's not like he hasn't indirectly told her already. She just won't listen.

He forces a smile and nods. "Me too."

A/N
The rest of this story from this point forward will be in Seonghwa's point of view!! I hope the change doesn't feel too uncomfortable for anyone :o