𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 // 𝘒𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯 𝘖'𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘳

𝟎𝟏.

DAY 1 - 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘈𝘙𝘙𝘐𝘝𝘈𝘓

You know drowning gets a bad reputation.

Because after you get past the struggling. You know the feeling of your head on the edge of exploding, your lungs caving in, and every part of your body is just telling you to breathe.

After all of that, when you finally try to take a breath and you are about to fall unconscious, it's actually pretty peaceful.

It's almost like the first time your body isn't fighting to survive. The first time your mind isn't thinking, or in my case overthinking.

I don't know if that's what it's like for everyone but for me- that's exactly how I feel at this moment. I knew my body had given up.

My eyes start to flutter shut as a hand reaches out towards me, I know I'm not out that deep anymore but my body has no drive to keep fighting, it feels nice in a way. All I see is a blur of a face and hair as I raise my hand before I completely blackout.

Do you know what doesn't have a misleading reputation? Choking.

My eyes slowly open as more water flows out my mouth before I start coughing. The burning in my chest and pounding in my head make me feel like I'm submerged in the waves all over again.

Hands push against my back, rolling me on my side to help the water find its way out of my lungs as my back is patted over and over again.

As the ringing in my ears starts to subside, I hear voices, but still muffled. The pounding of my head and brain fog is still very much present as I finish coughing up what seems to be the last of the water. Trying to find the memories that seem to be missing.

I remember my parents, arguing.

The trip they asked me to go on, 'The dawn of eve'.
An all-girls retreat in Hawaii.

I remember my confusion when I got on the plane and it was all boys.

The airport told me it was the ticket I bought, and nothing was wrong.

The plane was a private one, fancy, with one white seat on either side of the aisle.

I sat in the back of the plane, across from a quiet kid. It didn't bother me though because I was quiet.

When it was safe everyone got up and talked to each other.
I stayed in my seat.

There's something unsettling about being the only girl in a room with boys you don't know.

I think I was the only girl on the plane in general.

Which reminds me, the pilot.

He brought out the cake on a cart.

All the boys went back to their seats. No longer interested in each other and more interested in the cake.

They all scarfed it down quickly.
I remember wondering how they could possibly eat it that fast.

I picked at mine, eating only half before pushing it away.