Jensen and Mike Marion had always been like brothers. The cousins lived close to each other, their parents always taking them over for sleepovers. They were good boys, playing with little science kits or watching nature documentaries. They were always above average in school, preferring the more mature things in life. They'd often go to the library after school to study with each other. They were best friends, up until one night.
Jensen was seventeen and Mike had just turned sixteen. They had graduated early and to celebrate Jensen's parents gave them half a bottle of whiskey to share. They were open-minded parents who didn't mind one bit if they got drunk, they deserved to have fun. The boys had never drank a lick before, so when they took a couple shots they were feeling highly intoxicated.
"I bet you're going to get more drunk than me. I'm older," Jensen said with a humorous smirk. He hadn't been hesitant at all to take that first shot, but he did have a visceral reaction.
Mike on the other hand had been a bit hesitant, a little scared because he knew it would taste bad. It had tasted bad, the bitter liquid burning his throat, and he made a face to show it. "That's not how it works," he chuckled.
Jensen nudged him with his elbow good-naturedly with a bright grin on his face, "I know. I'm just messing with you."
"I know," Mike smiled just as humorously, a bit on the timid side as he looked at Jensen from under his lashes.
They both took another shot before Jensen reached for the TV remote. He was one of those guys with a TV in his room. They decided to watch a new drama movie, a bit of a psychological thriller as well. Something entertaining without making them lose their minds with laughter, or lose their bowels with horror. It was just their kind of movie.
When it got to a love scene they were entranced. It wasn't like they hadn't seen one before, but they were both drunk enough that it captured their full attention. Until Mike shifted. Jensen ignored it, laughing internally, it seemed his cousin was having a bit of a downstairs issue just from two people kissing and moving together on screen. It was pretty funny. Though, he couldn't lie to himself that he wasn't a bit turned on too.
Mike felt heat rushing through him, from his crotch all the way up to his cheeks. It wasn't like he was exactly getting hard, but he was decently aroused. He was pretty embarrassed since he was sitting right next to his older cousin, who didn't seem as affected. Just the fact that they were sitting so close together got him bothered. But it was just Jensen, the guy who always made him feel better, who was always there for him.
There was a tension for sure as Jensen finally decided to look over at his younger cousin, the squirming beginning to worry him a bit. His voice came out sounding lighthearted, but there was a hint of concern, "You ok, buddy?"
Mike flushed, looking at him quickly from the corner of his eye, "Y-yeah..." He was truly humiliated as he pushed this hands together between his knees to hide any prominence that may have accumulated within his pants.
Jensen wasn't convinced by the wavering of his voice and the rigidness of his body. He lifted a hand up to his shoulder, "You sure? You're so tense all of a sudden. Did you drink too much? If you don't feel well you can lay down."
Mike shook his head, "No. No, I feel fine. I promise." The love scene had ended already but he was still feeling the effects. He turned to face Jensen, his hand falling to the space between them, "It's just... I."
Mike was looking at him like he was unsure, yet there was a certainty held in his gaze, albeit a drunken one; he looked like he was ready to do something, he also looked expectant. Jensen's lips parted, a bit unsure himself as to what Mike was feeling, why he was looking at him that way. His hand didn't leave Mike's shoulder as he leaned into him, trying to comfort with further closeness, and breathed out in a whisper, "You what?"
Mike swooned as he looked into Jensen's eyes, and then he glanced down at his lips and felt further heat flush through his body. He didn't know why he was feeling this way, but he wanted. So he leaned forward and drunkenly pressed his lips to Jensen's. Somewhere in the back of his mind he couldn't believe he'd just done that, but he was a bit too far gone to care.
Jensen hadn't expected it, although he probably should have from the way Mike had been looking at him. He didn't feel much from it, maybe a little stirring in the pit of his stomach, but he couldn't tell if it was arousal or a slight bit of nausea. This was his cousin kissing him, the young man that was like a brother. But when Mike pulled back to look into his eyes, clearly inebriated, he couldn't keep himself from sliding his hand up to the back of his neck and pulling him in for another kiss. It felt good to have someone to kiss, and Mike had presented himself to him. In that moment it was strange that he was his cousin, it was so wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to give a damn. It was intoxicating in his intoxicated state.
It was a sloppy drunken kiss, no room for care or feeling, just something for them to indulge in. Mike was a little surprised that Jensen drew him back in, but he wasn't complaining. It was just good fun, a way to purge the excitement of watching something so intimate with his best friend. Boys did stuff like this, right? Experimented. Just not with their cousin...
Maybe it was true that Mike had gotten a little more drunk, as Jensen seemed more aware, being more calm about it; he could feel that the other wasn't shaking like he was. Yet, even with his nerves nagging at him, he leaned forward even more until he had pushed Jensen down onto his back and he was over him. His cousin hadn't resisted, and he didn't push him away as he began to rut into his leg. He wasn't very hard per se, but the friction did relief him of some of his tension.
Jensen didn't mind so much, he was simply allowing Mike to enjoy himself, to expel his arousal in the form of movement. He didn't even mind that his cousin's tongue was so deep inside his mouth that he could hardly fight back, or breathe. Though, the sensation of the other's clothed member, fully hard or not, was a bit distracting and a bit daunting. He wondered if he would get off. And he wasn't sure how he would feel about that, but at least his best friend would feel good. He cared about him, so why would he mind?
But as they continued, they were stopped by the sound of someone coming up the stairs. Jensen became stiff beneath his cousin. He pushed Mike back as gently as he could, remaining as calm as possible, "Wait, wait."
He strained to hear as the steps grew closer, and then he heard his mother's voice calling his name sweetly, "Jensen, honey! Boys."
His chest spiked with a bit of panic before he looked up into Mike's eyes and saw him staring down at him like he wanted to keep going. He felt sorry for him but pushed himself up, "You have to get off me."
Mike had heard Jensen's mom's voice far away, unable to fully process it in his inebriated state. It wasn't until Jensen had pushed him up that it registered for him, especially when there was a knock on the door, the said door opening a crack. He pulled back and sat down in his original spot, Jensen quickly following after, just as Jensen's mother peeked her head in, "Dinner's ready."
Jensen wondered how they looked, if it looked like they had been kissing, if it was obvious that Mike was jittery with arousal. His heart beat in his ears as he swallowed, idly thinking about how he was swallowing his cousin's saliva. "Ok, mom, we'll be right down."
She smiled kindly and shut the door.
Jensen sighed before turning to Mike. He looked just a bit disheveled. He ran a hand through his own hair if just to smooth it down a little, "You feeling ok?"
Mike felt panic rising up within him, worried that things would be awkward, but Jensen was so caring, so calm, and that helped his body and mind to level out as he nodded, "Yeah, I'm good."
Jensen tried to smile, but it was awkward. He couldn't believe that had just happened, that he had let it happen. He wondered if Mike regretted it, because he sure as hell did. It had been insane. But he hadn't wanted to stop Mike because then it probably would have been even more awkward, he hadn't wanted to lash out. This was fine. It was all fine. But he wasn't fully convinced as he stood and went to the door. He could feel Mike coming up behind him. They didn't speak as they exited and went down the stairs, neither one of them felt like they could handle a conversation about that.
Dinner was quiet too, even when Jensen's parents tried to get them to talk.
"We're so proud of you boys," his mother spoke.
"Thanks, mom." He poked at his food, chancing a glance over at Mike across the table without lifting his head. Mike was just staring at his plate, not eating. Then he looked up as well, catching his eye. It was like they were silently saying that they regretted what had happened, conveying that things were now weird.
Jensen's father saw that Mike hadn't been eating, "If you drank too much you don't need to eat, son."
Jensen internally cringed. That's right, his father liked to call Mike son, because they were practically brothers. Now he couldn't eat either. He chuckled nervously, "Yeah, I think we did. I'm kind of tired..." He turned to Mike pointedly, "Maybe we should sleep early."
Mike's heart clenched with hurt, but maybe it was best. It was his fault they had kissed so he didn't blame Jensen if he was upset with him. He nodded, looking down again, "I think so too. Sorry, Mrs. Marion."
Jensen's parents allowed them to leave the table and Jensen was relieved. He hoped they weren't suspicious that anything happened, like a fight. If they had known they had kissed, they would have surely disowned him. They'd definitely be disgusted. As anyone would be. But his heart sank, he didn't want to be disgusted, or mad, toward Mike, or himself. What really got to him was that it had felt good. But he put it out of his mind the best he could as he climbed the stairs to his room.
Mike made his way to the couch where he always slept while over. He hoped Jensen's parents would just go to their room, because he was still charged with arousal, though the created distance between his cousin and him had somewhat killed it.
Thankfully the lights went out and he was left lying on the couch in darkness. He couldn't sleep, his mind replaying the event. And then his arousal came back, just because of the physical sensations he'd felt, not necessarily because it had been Jensen. But that didn't stop him from palming at himself, needing release more than he needed sleep.
The next morning Mike didn't stay for breakfast, instead he had called his parents to pick him up early. He waved at Jensen as he was coming down the stairs, "Bye," he said, sounding friendly yet he moved by so fast that Jensen couldn't say it back.
Jensen stopped in the middle of the staircase, a bit taken aback by the quick departure, and also out of hurt. But he wasn't sure if he could have handled acting like nothing had happened. He took a deep breath to reel himself back in before heading to the kitchen.
He and Mike didn't see each other again until almost a month later when a couple friends of theirs invited them to go camping. They had been avoiding each other even though it pained them both. They just didn't know how to deal with what had happened.
They sat in the back of a van with their arms and legs touching, their friends all talking and having a good time. But the closeness felt odd, giving them both anxiety. They didn't talk, didn't even look at each other, both deep in thought about how they hadn't seen each other or hadn't even tried to speak to one another this whole time. Their friends would look at them occasionally, asking them how they were and offering them a soda. Jensen answered with, "I'm fine," and Mike answered with, "Good."
Jensen took a soda, taking a long drink as if it were alcohol to calm his nerves. Mike turned it down, but Jensen offered him some of his out of cordiality. Still, Mike turned it down with a shake of his head and a faint smile. He wanted to say he had missed him; that he was sorry, but he couldn't with their friends packed in along with them.
Jensen faced forward again, trying to keep his spirits up. So what if it was a bit awkward, it was to be expected, but he was happy to see Mike again, regardless. He looked down at his drink, swirling the can, before taking another long drink.
They arrived at the campground within an hour and all filed out. Jensen took a deep breath of fresh air, and a moment later one of their friends, Amanda, spoke up, "You guys need to lighten up!" she said happily, a bit excited, "Did you two get in a fight? You're cousins, you've been best friends for what, forever?"
Jensen grinned, picking up the mood, and clamped his hand onto Mike's shoulder, shaking it in an overfriendly manner as he looked at him and exclaimed, "Yeah!"
Mike looked away almost bashfully, not sure if Jensen was just putting on a show for their friends. He chuckled with an open smile, though he was nervous, "Yep."
Amanda beamed and looked like she was going to hop up and down in her excitement, "Yay! Great! Come on." She turned and left, bounding over to the rest.
Jensen gave Mike a squeeze to his shoulder before taking a breath in and following after.
It was already getting a little dark out, a dim early evening, so they all constructed a campfire and circled around it. Jensen and Mike sat across from each other and every now and then they would stare at each other, the fire dancing in their eyes. Their glances were intense, their friends rowdy around them, but after a couple long glances Jensen smiled, and it made Mike's chest flutter happily.
Jensen had no idea what was on Mike's mind, but he knew what was on his own. Sadness that he had maybe lost his one true friend, and a longing to go sit next to him. But he couldn't bring himself to, the thought of them being so close, of Mike turning to him, of them repeating what had happened in his room. It was too romantic of a setting and he didn't want to risk the tension returning, especially since he couldn't get that damn kiss off his mind. Why was it so embedded within him, when it was so wrong, when it had felt so wrong?
Then he was pulled from his reverie by Amanda calling out, "Ok! We should totally play spin the bottle."
Of course. How childish. Heat spread throughout him as his eyes flicked back to Mike, to find him looking into the fire as though he had just heard bad news. He didn't blame him.
"Yeah!" was Braden's agreement, "But, ha! Jensen and Mike are cousins." He laughed hard, "Dude, what if they land on each other? Ooh."
Amanda rolled her eyes, "Well of course they would just spin again."
Of course Braden was just goofing around, poking fun, but Mike had somewhat blushed, looking up at Jensen and biting his lip, a mindless tick. His heart was pounding as he remembered that night, at the unintentional reminder. If they were forced to kiss, maybe it wouldn't feel so wrong, maybe it could be an excuse. Just a small peck, just to entertain everyone else. Why did he want that?
Jensen's stomach flipped at the lip bite, but he looked just as calm and cool as ever. He couldn't take his eyes off him, not until someone clapped him on the back, "You first, man."
Luckily the bottle never brought them together, or possibly both of them would have been tempted. But whenever Jensen kissed a girl he couldn't help feeling a bit of jealousy. It was so stupid, he thought, it wasn't like he was even attracted to his own cousin. He loved him, but he wasn't- God.
Finally it was time for everyone to go to their tents, and of course Jensen and Mike were expected to share one. So they climbed in, trying to ignore the thick tension, and tried to get comfortable. Immediately Jensen turned onto his side away from Mike, but Mike laid on his back, staring at the top of the tent. After a while, he spoke, "Are we ok?"
Jensen turned onto his back, looking over at him, "What do you mean?"
Mike just continued to stare, almost emotionless, "I mean... are we good?"
Mike just hoped he knew what he meant, he didn't want to talk about it. Ever. He just wanted to know if they were still friends, if Jensen still cared. And Jensen did get the hint, and he did care, but he couldn't for the life of him get over the god damn situation. He paused for a moment before saying, "Yeah. Yeah, of course."
Mike wasn't sure he believed him as he finally turned to face his back toward him. He just knew things would never be the same again. And Jensen, he frowned, turning away again. He wished he could have been more consoling, but he didn't really trust himself. He tried his damnedest to sleep, even if his mind was reeling. He wondered if Mike was asleep, but it didn't matter, there wasn't anything to say.
They had an hour to sit next to each other again on the way back home. It wasn't any easier than last time. They stole glances at each other, gave small smiles, but the awkwardness was still there. When they reached Mike's house Jensen got out with him, "Here, I want a proper goodbye."
Mike's throat closed up, feeling like goodbye meant just that. He turned toward Jensen and the older cousin smiled, going in for a hug. It was done pretty awkwardly, both of them hesitant, but eventually they were embracing. But in order to not have it be so sentimental Jensen patted his back like guys did with their friends. Mike didn't, he just eagerly pulled away, but as they drew apart their face were so close, it seemed like Jensen was pulling away in slow motion. He knew he must have looked like he saw a ghost.
Jensen took in a deep breath once they were fully drawn apart, putting his hands in his pockets, "Well, see you around." He mentally slapped himself, that wasn't what best friends said. And the look that Mike gave him broke his heart.
Yeah, see you around, Mike thought. That was great. It didn't sound promising. He simply said, "Yeah," and walked to the house.
Jensen swallowed a lump in his throat before getting back in the van.
