Mike couldn't focus on his work. He was too overwhelmed with arousal mixed with a high dose of confusion and guilt. He ignored his temptation to look through the window at Jensen. He simply liked looking at him, he wasn't hard on the eyes at all, and part of him did think he was handsome. It was so weird to think of his cousin as attractive and desirable. Part of him wished he had never started this, was taken aback by the amount of want and need he felt for him. He was so wrong in thinking that they could have gotten past what had happened so long ago.
Finally it was time for him to leave for the day, and he was grateful that Jensen didn't come out of the office before he was able to get the hell out of there. He drove home in a stupor, unable to think. And as he changed after getting home into some more comfortable clothes, he asked himself why he had even agreed to go over. Because he didn't want to lose Jensen again, he had just gotten him back. And maybe because he wanted whatever the fuck this was. But he couldn't help feeling a bit of disgust in himself, despite the fact he wasn't exactly disgusted in Jensen. How bizarre.
He got back in his car, figuring Jensen must be home by now. He drove there with raging anxiety, especially once he was standing in front of his door. But he shouldn't have been nervous, this was just Jensen, his cousin that he cared about, who cared about him. Nothing bad would happen. So he knocked on the door, feeling a bit self-conscious and jittery.
Jensen wasn't as nervous, he was more so determined. He wanted this more than he had ever wanted anything. It may have been incredibly wrong, but something about it felt shockingly right. It had felt so good feeling Mike's body against his, the kiss steaming his body with a passion he never thought he could ever feel. He knew that it was because Mike was his cousin that made it feel so amazing, so acutely hot. He knew it was incest, but god, that fact filled him with astounding arousal. He was sick, but he decided it was worth it for the rush it provided him.
A sharp pang of excitement struck his chest when he heard the knock and he quickly went to the door, but paused, not exactly the eager type, wanting to retain his cool composure. So a beat later he opened the door and smiled. Just a simple smile that showed his fondness for the man before him. "Hi Mike. It's great you decided to come over."
Mike internally rolled his eyes, but he found it humorous that Jensen was acting like he hadn't demanded he go over, that he was apparently trying to act like nothing happened in his office. It eased him a bit, but maybe that was Jensen's plan, to make him comfortable enough, so he could come onto him again without him backing out. He did smile genuinely though, he was just going into his rekindled best friend's house. So he stepped in and Jensen shut the door behind them.
"Take a seat on the couch, I'll be right there," was Jensen's soft command. He adhered to it, moving slowly to the couch and sitting down. He only had to wait a few seconds before Jensen came out holding two glasses and a bottle of wine. But first he went to the stereo and turned on a classic rocker. Then the other of the two set the glasses on the coffee table and began to pour them both a drink, "You remember how we wanted to go see him live?"
Mike had the feeling this was supposed to feel romantic, nothing said romantic more than picking a favorite artist and speaking of fond memories over wine. Even the way Jensen spoke, the gentle, semi-deep cadence of his voice soothing and fond, just the right tone to match the mood of the atmosphere. He gave a soft smile, watching the red liquid pour into the glass in front of him, "Of course. We decided we weren't exactly the concert type."
Jensen straightened up after setting the bottle aside, taking up his glass with a chuckle, "Yes, indeed." He took a sip, eyeing Mike from over the rim, his eyes sparkling. It could have been seen as provoking. And it did make Mike's stomach lurch in a strange, unexpected way. He took up his glass and took a sip as well, just as Jensen sat down beside him. It was a little close, but not exactly too close, he could deal with it.
They both took a couple sips in silence before Jensen broke it, "How are you liking the job?"
Mike licked his lips and then laughed softly, "It's tedious."
Jensen threw his head back and laughed, "I thought you would say that."
Mike took a sip, looking at Jensen from the corner of his eye. A beat passed before he asked, "How am I doing?"
Jensen took one last sip before setting his glass down and turning to him, "You're doing great. The emails you send are very good." He took Mike's glass from him and slowly brought it down to set it on the table beside his. He was looking deeply into Mike's eyes as he began to lean in, "You're perfect."
Mike held his breath as Jensen took his glass, already knowing what was coming, even before he saw the look in Jensen's eyes, before the other began to lean in. He wasn't sure he was ready for it, but he didn't have any time to stop it from happening before Jensen's hand was lifted to his cheek and his cousin's lips were on his in a fleeting soft kiss. He looked into Jensen's eyes for a moment before Jensen closed the gap again, his lips moving gently, and Mike gave in, moving them along with his. It felt so masculine, and he was very aware he was not only kissing his cousin, but a man at that. He gave a pained whimper before pulling his head away and to the side, "I'm straight," he whispered. He didn't know why he kept making excuses, why he kept denying that he wanted it.
"So am I," Jensen husked before kissing him again, harder, his fingers moving on Mike's neck to draw him closer. There was a deceivingly subtle hunger to the kiss, a desperation that was mirrored in the pit of his stomach, of which was set aflame. Jensen was a really good kisser, he couldn't deny that. He sunk back into the couch as Jensen moved closer and that hand on his cheek fell to his cock. Jensen began to apply pressure, palming at it with both determination and care. It was a strange sensation, having a man's hand on his manhood, knowing it was a family member. But still, his cock hardened a bit as a burning arousal burst through his chest.
Jensen had been waiting for this opportunity to please Mike, to give him what he wanted that one fateful night. Release. It wasn't too weird for him, it pleased him in return. Anything to keep this fire going. He could feel Mike's cock twitch in its confines and it caused him to groan into Mike's mouth, excited. He too was hardening, so turned on by the sheer feeling of the arousal in his palm. And he couldn't stop there, he slowly worked his fingers under the hem of Mike's pants, the digits grazing the head of the cock and feeling the wetness on his fingertips.
Mike's body grew stiff in response to the intruding fingers. He began to shake before letting out a muffled, "God..." He leaned his head back and felt Jensen take the opportunity to kiss at his neck. It all felt so overwhelming, so erotic in the most dangerous sense.
The quiet exclamation gave him more incentive to continue, causing his own cock to harden even more as he drug his fingers lower to slide them along the length. It was so much more stimulating to touch bare skin, so intimate. He could feel the harsh and heavy rise and fall of Mike's chest against him and knew he was feeling the same amount of stimulation, if not more. But suddenly Mike grew panicked, unsure if he truly wanted to experience his own cousin making him come, and he quickly drew Jensen's hand back out and pushed him away. He was shaking like a leaf as he tried to calm his breathing, to no avail, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't."
Jensen looked at him in shock, worry and concern written on his face. He had been so sure Mike wanted it, that he was open to this. But he was obviously so wrong. And it hurt. He placed a hand on Mike's back, trying to catch his eye, went to say something, but Mike stood up and moved through the living room so fast he could hardly reel himself back in enough to process the departure. But he quickly snapped out of it and tried to catch up to him, "Mike, wait. Please."
He followed Mike outside and stopped at the end of the porch, watching Mike walk hurriedly to his car, "Please. Mike."
But Mike didn't stop, didn't listen; didn't turn around, getting into his car and quickly driving off. Jensen was left hard and wanting. Left scared shitless. He didn't mean to scare him away. He ran his hand through his hair, hating himself, before turning and walking back inside.
Mike was frazzled, even when he got home to take a shower. He was practically shaking. He didn't understand why he was reacting like this, it was hot and he had been turned on, but it was too much. Kissing was one thing, but a hand job, that was a little more than he could handle. Sure he had rutted against Jensen when they were younger, but he had been a stupid drunken boy who wasn't thinking. He had to be rational now. At least that's what he told himself. Maybe he could work up to being touched, but it had been too soon. But had it been? He should have expected it, especially since Jensen had been humping into him not even two hours before.
He got out of the shower and heaved a sigh, feeling a little better. But he wasn't sure about going into work the next day. He shook his head, of course he'd go in. But he didn't know how to face Jensen again. He'd have to just play it casual, hope that Jensen would still be willing to have him and that he'd still be his- friend? What was Jensen even doing, to him, with him, what did it mean? They had pushed past friendship into something way out of bounds. It was almost like they were bound to be together. But that was fucked up, they were family.
Jensen tried to unwind by finishing his glass of wine, and Mike's, and then the whole bottle. He couldn't get the ordeal out of his head, he felt so guilty. He didn't want their relationship to go to shit. He truly cared about Mike, even though he had abandoned him years ago. It was weird that they had gone so long without speaking to each other or seeing one another, all for it to come right back down to this. This intense sexual attraction that was eating away at him. He was obsessing over it, wondering what it would have been like if Mike had come into his hand, what he would have looked like, sounded like. It got him hard just thinking about it.
He went to bed fairly buzzed, and his damned erection was begging for attention. So he pulled himself out and stroked himself viciously, wanting to just get it out as quickly as possible, and god damn, he came so hard to the image of his cousin. The man that he realized he loved more than he thought he could. What was this? Was it really love? He wanted to have sex with his own cousin, which was bad enough, but could he actually be falling in love with him. He didn't know what to think, so, spent, he fell asleep.
