I'm not too sure when it started.
Everything was fine just a few weeks ago. Or at least things were looking like they were heading in a positive direction. Charlie came out of the hospital for the holidays.
Family came to visit. Lots and lots of family. Kind of annoying but still enjoyable.
I filled up my days going to school, playing rugby, seeing Charlie, and taking my dogs for walks. Nothing too extravagant but I was content.
Charlie had a self harm relapse mid-January.
It was basically my fault.
I was over at his house eating dinner, and we ended up getting into this stupid little quarrel over nothing. I knew he had already been having a bad day, and I shouldn't have pushed him. I ended up storming off back to my house like a total jerk.
A few hours later his older sister Tori called. I frantically put on my shoes and hurried back once she hung up the phone.
There was a growing pit in the bottom of my stomach knowing that I had caused this. That I was the one that did this. I shouldn't have pushed him. I shouldn't have left him and went home without even saying goodbye. I shouldn't have been such an awful boyfriend. I know he's struggling I just got upset and I don't know. I-
I want to cry. I want to burst out in tears and fall into Charlie's arms. I want to tell him how terribly sorry I am and beg for his forgiveness. I can't do that though.
I should stop. This is stupid. I'm not-I'm not the one who's struggling right now. I'm not the one who needs support. I need to be there for Charlie. I'm not supposed to make him worry. I'm not supposed to make him upset.
Charlies' parents end up allowing me to stay the night, just to keep an eye on him. I'm not sure if I'd word it like that but I'm happy to stay with him. I curl up onto the mattress on the floor next to Charlie's bed, and make an attempt to sleep the guilt off.
I lie there for a while, without much success. Some time later I hear Charlie's voice and look up. "Nick? Can you come up here?" he whispers.
I don't know if Charlie's parents would appreciate that, but I climb up into his bed anyways. It just barely fits the two of us. He musters out a small laugh, but it sounds flat. I hold him close as we fall asleep together.
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Nick Nelson Angst
FanfictionThings in Nick's life have been going downhill lately. With the death of his father, bullying at school, and new internal struggles that he cannot seem to understand, his mental health takes a toll. Will someone notice and be able to help him befor...
