upon our land • s. kalivoda

eleven

ENDING 1 CONTINUATION 2

tw: self-harm, suicide attempt, vomit. if that can affect your mental or physical health, please skip this chapter. i myself have struggled with self-harm and am nearing two months clean, so if anyone needs someone to talk to, im all ears.

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three weeks later

ever since that night, i had been having the worst nightmares. of course, simon was always there to comfort me when i woke up, but still. i couldn't keep waking him up every hour because of a stupid nightmare. so i bought some sleeping pills.

"says to take them an hour before you go to sleep. don't take more than two at a time or results could be dangerous. sounds fun." i say while brushing my teeth. usually, i would be in third period, but we were all excused from school for a few months because of trauma or something.

seeing your best friend get put in a bread slicer will do that to you.

"don't almost die again, that won't be fun." he yells from the kitchen. "waffles are ready!"

"coming!" i yell back, spitting out my toothpaste and rinsing my toothbrush off before going to the table.

"you clean your slice yet?"

"yes, dad, i did," i reply with a piece of bacon in my mouth.

"can't believe she came after you twice." he takes a bite out of a waffle before sipping his coffee.

"sorry that i'm sexy."

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"goodnight, i'm gonna go get in the shower." i kiss simon's cheek before ruffling his hair and walking over to the bathroom. i turn on the shower to let the water heat up before stripping myself of my clothes. as i look in the mirror and see all of my scars, it just brings me back.

third-person pov

flashback starts

with a shaky breath and shaky hands, tatum slowly lifted up her sleeve to reveal a clean slate. a virgin arm. as she lifted the blade from the counter, a tear fell. a tear full of emotion, misery, and anger. tatum began dragging it across her bare skin, leaving a red line in place. she repeated the action until her arm was left red with blood and irritancy.

she dropped the blade onto the counter before falling back onto the wall, sliding down with eyes full of tears. her eyes sealed shut and her mouth bares horrid screams of emotional pain that seemed to never stop. simon rushed in although tatum didn't hear- and he looked around for her until his eye lay upon the sight.

tatum felt arms wrap around her as she fell into them sobbing while his heart broke for the girl in front of him. not much later she was hazy, tired. her crying had stopped and he started washing off the blood before kissing each one of the cuts she had made. tatum looked away in shame, embarrassment, pain.

"please, simon, stop."

flashback ends

first person pov

all of a sudden i'm brought back to reality and remind myself to get into the shower. the hot water runs down my bare skin and refreshes me in a way, leaving me clean. i wash up quickly, but still want to stay in the water. i slowly slide down the shower wall, running my fingers along my wrists.

i realize that after the incident, or whatever you would call that, i've been in a bubble of denial. one of my best friends died, and i hadn't accepted it. hell, i had practically forgotten it happened until now. these nightmares won't stop, the curse will forever live, my pain won't end. there's only one way out.

the water ran cold, saving me from my thoughts. it was quiet, but my mind ran loud.

third-person pov

tatum slipped on her new clothes before searching for her pills. she wanted it to be all over, done for. this was the only way. simon had noticed that the girl seemed distressed and decided to follow her quietly. from behind a wall, he saw a tear roll down tatum's cheek as she poured mounds of pills into her hand.

just moments before she downed them, simon jumped in while grabbing her arm, leading to the pills scattering on the floor.

"no!" he yelled, holding her as close as possible. she struggled against him, trying to grasp as many pills as she could but his grip on her hands held firm.

"please! please, i was ready to let go! i hate you!" after that it was just minutes of tatum crying in simon's arms and simon showering her with kisses.

"i love you. i'll never let anyone or anything hurt you ever again, even yourself." after minutes of repeating the actions, she began to fall asleep in his arms.

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first person pov

(one week later)

i woke up to the feeling of nausea and immediately sprinted out of bed to the toilet. my entire body ached and i felt so... fat.

"tate, you okay?" simon called from the bed.

"yeah, yeah. i was just puking my guts out, i'm fine." she heard him get out of the bed and walk over to him.

"what's happening?"

"probably something i ate." i flushed the toilet before rinsing my mouth with mouthwash and going to check my calendar. it had been about a month since my last period so i should be expecting it to come any time soon.

"will you pick up some tampons at the gas station? oh, and pickles. i really want pickles." he nodded and continued to eat his cereal. i wasn't hungry after i had thrown up so i went to go brush my teeth and take a nap as i was feeling sleepy.

"im gonna take a nap!" i yell from his room.

"night!"

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i jolted awake and rushed to the bathroom for the second time that day to pee. it felt like i was going to explode if i didn't, and i felt instant relief after i did.

"you okay?" simon asked from the other side of the door.

"im just peeing, dude."

"alright, i guess."

"did you go to the gas station?"

"yeah, pickles are in the fridge and tampons under the sink."

"thanks," i replied. suddenly i realized that my head had been pounding and my back still hurt from earlier, so i decided to get some ibuprofen. i go to check the calendar once more to see how many days it should be until i get my period but realize that i'm already three days late.

i know there shouldn't be a chance at all for me to get pregnant, but the doctor said the chances weren't zero.

"si!"

"yeah?'

"can i take your car to the gas station?"

"sure. just be careful! i love that car."

"i came second to a car."

"maybe."

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i look through the aisle to find the best tests. i end up buying two different brands, one each. i don't trust only one test. i was eager to get home and find the results out so i didn't have to worry about being pregnant. this is a one-in-a-million chance, it's probably a false alarm.

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"gotta go to the bathroom, bye." i hid the tests in my sleeves before rushing in. i had just chugged a 24oz of water so i was ready to go. i peed on both of the sticks and set them on the counter. two lines for yes, one line for no.

minutes felt like hours of waiting before the lines slowly started to appear. my heart dropped.

both of them had two lines.