TW: sh/suicide
Its 9 in the evening.
not the poetic 3 am
Or unfortunate early morning fall
It's just 9:00,
and the exhaustion I've battled all day is setting in.
I want to give in
I was to surrender to my demons
And let them drag me though hell once again
We could take the long scenic route
But I stand strong
I pull out my blade and I battle
But once that battle is done,
Up springs the next
Now I have to fight to put the blade away
Because it has a mind of it's own
And if I let down my guard for even a moment
I may just stab myself in the back
Its 9 in the evening,
the stars are ready to shine
My best friend is healing from the last person she lost like this
Moms worried sick, wondering if I'm as lost as she thinks I am.
And dads working late.
But I'm here. Fending off the demons
Controlling the urge to slit my wrists
Shutting down everything inside
Because being numb is better than fighting the ever evolving monsters in the closet.
The ones who know your biggest fears even before you do.
I close my eyes and whisper
The things I never get to say
Things I hide deep inside
The unwritten suicide note In my head
I like to think there's someone up there listening to my cries
Its 9 in the evening and I cannot sleep.
I desperately slow my breathing and hold my eyes shut.
If only I could just be peacefully asleep
dreaming of the beautiful things I could be.
But instead its 9:00 and I'm just trying to survive.
