I want to be a bad person;
I want to make everyone I love hate me
I want those closest to me to wish for my death
I want to do the unforgivable
And for them to see me how I see myself
I want them to look at me and see the monster I see
But I don't want to hurt them,
or to snap and yell
I don't want them to mourn the loss of the person they think I am
Or think that I don't care
I don't want them to care at all
But at the same time,
I want to kiss away their pain
Make them smile and laugh
Sing them to sleep,
And dance until the sun's long gone.
And I don't want to lose them
I don't ever want their smiles to leave my life
And I don't want them to feel what I do.
Sometimes I want to disappear,
or even better, to not have existed at all.
I want to lay low, slowly hide myself away, so everyone forgets.
I want my glow to fade to nothing, and I don't want them to notice.
I want their smiles to stay the same, And them just go on as usual.
But other times, I want to shine bright,
I want everyone to see me glow, expecially the ones who love me.
And I want to shove it in the face of those who nearly put out my flame.
But I don't know how to fan my own fire.
And I'm out of every flammable resource.
I can't add to their flame if mine burns out.
But my flame isn't strong enough to keep me warm while searching for wood.
And whenever someone tries to give me some, it rains.
My flame continues to dull,
and no matter how I try to build it;
Damp wood doesn't burn.
