In the Wildflowers (Part Two)

The guilt

     Tucked away in the furthest corner of the castle gardens, Sheridan marvelled at her husband as he trialed on about the flowers growing. They had walked the paths all morning, even made a few of their own paths but today was the first day they had all to themselves. There were no preparations, plans or practice needed anymore and the two had no desire to change that. Sheridan was still trying to get use to filling up the endless amount of time she had and it was difficult on her own. With Carlisle around though, the hours flew by almost too quickly, the moments never seemed to stick. At least they would have many moments, they were no longer trying to beat the clock of life.

     "You've drifted off, tell me where." His hands found their way to her waist, and then to her arms, up to the tips of her shoulder and over the curve of her neck until they finally rested on her cheeks. Her view of the trees she had been focused on vanished and her blond haired, smiling husband took its place. By far a better view she thought.

"We have so much time, so many days and hours to make memories in but, I feel like it's going by so fast and I can't keep track of everything I love about this life."

"As much as you don't think you'll remember, you'll think back one day and all of a sudden you'll be able to talk about every second of a day. You have to enjoy the day though to be able to remember it." Carlisle always had the wisest words and the answer to ever dilemma.

     "Can I show you something?"

     "Please." Sheridan had been practicing her gift on rare occasions. In the shower, sometimes when she walked the empty halls or was just bored, but she hasn't gotten a chance to really show Carlisle. He knew about it, but hasn't seen it very much.

"Okay, just-just don't move too much." Sheridan opened her palms up, fingers angled towards the ground. From her hands water poured, but it snaked out and began swirling at their feet. Higher and higher it swirled until it caged them in.

Carlisle brushed his hand against the walls of water, his fingers came off dry and the water stayed intact. It took him a second to notice the silence. Not the sound of running water or the humming of animals and the wind. He could hear Sheridan's tongue flicking across the back of her front teeth, a habit she had as a human. Other than that, not a sound was heard. It had been centuries since he heard nothing. It nearly frightened him.

     "It's- wow." He touched the walls one again and they began to thin but no sound entered. Instead of water it looked like glass surrounded them now. The landscape around them visible, the sun shone through but the only sound was the ones they made.

     "The noise has been hard, hearing everything all the time and never being able to stop it. I don't know how I figured it out but I just, it got quiet one day."

     Had she been able to talk to anyone about her struggles? Carlisle thought. Surely she spent much of her time with those around the castle, but had she talked to them? Had she suffered alone until he came? Even now she hadn't talked to him much about what she struggled with. Everything looked perfect on the outside. From her hair to the very way she opened doors, it all looked perfect and not once had she said anything.

Guilt began to consume Carlisle. He had not asked, not looked beyond what he saw. He had struggled with being away from her and his only thoughts were no they were together. It had practically slipped his mind that she was new to everything, new to seeing the world as more than what it was. Sheridan has always been able to turn her self on an off in a sense. She was having a bad day but the second she stepped in front of people it's like the world had never been wrong. He knew Sheridan, he knew everything about her but some how he had not once even thought to ask.

"What's wrong?" The water dissolved around them. Sheridan watched her husband with concern and it made the guilt weigh heavier.

"I never asked how you were." The statement seemed to stop Sheridan's mind. The stoney look in her eyes made her look like a real statue. She should be angry with him, Carlisle thought. He was angry with him self.

"I never said anything, about anything."

     "I still never asked. I left you here, alone with a whole new life and I didn't even ask."

     "I wouldn't have had an answer, I still don't." Carlisle ushered Sheridan over to the bench. They needed to talk.

     "What do you mean?"

     "You know when you go on vacation, and it just seems like a dream because it's so different than your regular life. There is so much to take in yet you can't seem to remember anything at the same time. That's how I feel about this whole thing. Every day it's like living in a dream, I can't seem to grasp that this is life because all so crazy." Sheridan looked anything but mad. Her eyes where wide and wondrous and a little smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "I can see for miles! Like literally miles. I see ants in the grass and I can see birds eyes when I look into the sky. It's just crazy Carlisle, I don't even know how to find it normal either." 

     "Do you like it? Is it hard for you?" It's the only thing he could think to ask, those were the only words in his head.

     "I love it. Colours and people are all so different but so alive and bright. I can feel every blade of grass a piece of mud when I walk barefoot in the garden. Every flower petal has its own beauty. The thing s I see are so amazing. The noise is hard, but it's slowly getting easier to ignore familiar sounds."

     Carlisle's question seemed to send Sheridan on a tangent. Everything she thought of she spoke of. Patterns and colours she never noticed, or things she saw when looking out the balcony of their room. She could see animals wandering the rolling hills far beyond the city, she could see planes in the sky and count the windows. Turns out there were an infinite amount of things Sheridan could talk about, she just needed a little push. Here and there Sheridan threw in some things she didn't like or things that bothered her but she was never unhappy with anything she said. The guilt started to lift slowly, but it still linger.

     Carlisle's beautiful, beautiful wife was going through months of change with no one to talk to. She didn't have the person around that she could bare her soul to, the person made for her, made to love her and every silly thought she had in her head. What mattered most is Carlisle had the chance now to listen, she was not angry with him for his neglect and she didn't even seem to think twice about it.

"Regardless of how happy you say you are. I was not there the way I should have been and for that I will always be sorry."

"You have eternity to make it up to me."

The guilt still nestled into his heart but the way her body slumped into his chest and her eyes closed with a smile on her face, it eased it just a bit.