tw: death, anxiety attack, transphobia, mean voices.
words: 882
time it took to write: unknown.
edited: nope
charachters: fundy, 5up
ship: 5undy
fandom: dsmp
"Im something you will never ever be, fundy..
Im a MAN"
Those words haunted me even to this day. Its been years since that day, but i remember it like it was yesterday. Im in a different place now, a new country, no more manburg or l'manburg, no more wilbur, no more schlatt. its calm here, well compared to some other places.
I was currently just walking around the fountains of this place, right in front of the unfinished casino no one is allowed in. it was night and most things were closed due too... something, so it was actually quite calm, except for the random drunk person wobbling around trying to get home.
I sigh, then a sudden wave of a familiar unfriendly feeling passes through me. Tears formed in my eye as i fell to the ground, my arms wrapped around my body. Breathing soon became something i could not do, making me panic and my heart beat to quicken.
No one cares about you fundy. Everyone thinks of you as a girl. Thats all they see. They pity you.
The familiar voice rang through my head, the voice that was once nice, slowly corrupted as my mental health deteriorated.
It got colder as minutes passed by, and soon no people were out, it was just me and the voices in my head. It then began to snow, not a uncommon thing to happen here but not commun either, i could tell because i felt light orbs fall on me and slowly melt, freezing the skin during the process.
It quickly became around 1:36 am, charlie ran by me, dragging quackity behind him, both laughing their asses off as they held hands.
"Hey fundy from las navadas!"
Slime yelled at me, then continued to run. I tried to rush out words questioning what they were doing, but my voice was no where to be found. They didnt attempt to explain what they were doing, they just ran and ran, not bothering to say another word to me.
They didnt even waste time telling you what they were doing! Your not worth their time.
I cant listen to the voices anymore, but they kept yelling more and more things, causing me to fall further and further into the anxiety attack. I cant fucking breath.
Stop compaining. Your wearing your binder, of course you cant breath, idiot.
O. well thats actually helpfull. I clutch the tight fabric around my chest, pulling it away from me, i take breath after breath, making oxogyene go to my brain making me less light headed. Once i felt normall breathing wise, i looked towards the dark sky, online linking when snow fell into my eye.
My phone, that sat on the ground due to me dropping it, lit up. I looked at the notification to see a text message. I smile at the words, knowing who its from without looking at the contact. Its 5up.
5up
Heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Whatcha up to?
I stand up, with shaky legs, then unlock the phone to continue the conversation. I begin to walk in a random direction as i begin to text back.
Fundy
Nothing much, what about you? :3
5up
Nothing. I miss u <3
I laugh as i hear him saying the texts in my head. We continue to talk, as i continue to walk. Eventually he says that he need to leave, so we end the conversation there.finnally i look at my surroundings, after i put my phone in my pocket. Im in the middle of a desert, far away from any civilization.
My legs were begging for rest and were threatening to stop working. It was far colder than anything i had ever experienced before, my body was already numb and my fingers were begining to hurt.
I wrapped my arms around myself in a pathetic attempt to warm up. I fall to the cold sand, making my knees begin to freeze.
I felt weak.
I felt tired.
I took out my phone, knowing i wont make it out tonight alive. I i typed out words, with the intent of sending the text to 5up.
Fundy
5up im sorry. I unless i have texted something else, i will be dead. Frozen in the middle of a desert, alone. I wish i was where you are, i wish i was with you, your always warm. Please take care of yourself. I love you. I love you more than words can explain.
I hesitated before pressing the send button.
My fingers felt like they would fall off. I felt more tired than i had in a long time. I layed down, a new wave of cold spread through out me. Tears threatened to fall down my face, i let them. I was to cold to think.
My vision fell to a blurry state, as i stared to the endless darkness of this desert. My eyelids fell over my eyes. I knew i would not wake up. I knew this is the end. I knew this was finally the ended of the hell i lived in. a smile grew across my face as i felt weaker, falling into the darkness of dyeing.
My mind wondered to 5up. I hope he will be okay. I love im so much....
