I'll keep you safe

Shes mine

It's been just over a week since I got Lyra. It's taken a bit for her to adjust to living with me from living with the Gyptians, as she likes to keep reminding me "I was more free there"

Every day she asks for stories about Asriel and what our life would be like if Edward didn't kill him. What she doesn't know is that's what I think about every day, what my life would be like if I left Edward when Asriel told me to.

Asriel's death hit me hard, it haunts me in my dreams to know that I'm the reason he's dead. He left everything to Lyra, even though it wasn't very much. I made it my mission to collect everything so when I did get Lyra back, she could have pieces of her father with her at all times.

It wasn't easy obtaining his stuff, I lied about being his widow and that our daughter needed what he left behind. I sold his family home, I didn't want to I wanted to leave it for Lyra, but I saw no use for a child to have two homes and only live in one. What money I got I had put into a trust fund for Lyra for when she is older as by Asriel's wishes.

Every time I look at Lyra, I see little glimpses of Asriel and some days it makes me sad to know I'll never actually see him again, but glad as I still got a piece of him in this world. Lyra has my grandfather's eye colour but her father's eyes and every time she scrunches her face it just melts my heart.

I finally got the courage to bring out the box I kept in the flat full of photograms and other little trinkets Asriel collected over the years when he travelled. Lyra was playing on the floor in the living room, and I thought it was a good time to show her.

Word got out that the Gyptians were looking for Lyra, so I kept her indoors as much as possible. If we were to leave, it was always via car as I didn't want her to be seen. I was ready to keep and protect my daughter at all costs.

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The search began at dawn just as John said. He gathered his best men to search for this missing child. Maggie wanted to go with him on this search, John said she best stay at home just in case she came home.

They were out for hours, searching on other boats as that was something Lyra did before when something didn't go her way. Looked in the Oxford museum being one of Lyra's favourite places to go. In the end John called off the search and declared Lyra was snatched by the Gobblers and that she is a smart girl and will find her way home.

Maggie was distraught at the thought, she kept saying to herself "No, Lyra is too smart for the Gobblers. She wouldn't get herself caught"

What she didn't realise is that the young girl who stole a piece of Maggie Costa's heart was only ninety kilometres away in London.

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I had to leave the apartment for work reasons, so I had one of my staff watch Lyra while I was gone. Lucky she was asleep when I left as I didn't know how she'd react to me leaving without her as we always left together.

On my way back I saw the Gyptians, it looks like they are out searching for Lyra again. I saw a shop that sold children toys, they had all sort of animals and then I saw it, a snow leopard. It looked like a mini Stelmaria, I had to get it for Lyra. It would be a great bribery if Lyra gets upset with me.

I returned back to the flat, it was quiet, I thought Lyra must still be asleep, instead she was out on the terrace eating her breakfast.

"Oh, good you're up" I say

Lyra turns around quickly, her big brown eyes looking up at me. So innocent, so kind and gentle. If I say the wrong thing or act in a way, she'll never forgive me. Some days I tread on eggshells as I don't want to turn out like my family before me and Edward. I want to change the future, HER future.

"You're back. I was sad you weren't here when I woke up, then I was told you had to leave but will be back soon"

I knelt down to be the same height of Lyra. She ran in to hug me, I wasn't excepting that to happen. When she was born, I remember thinking I'm not mother material, I never will. But once Asriel left with our daughter, I instantly regretted my decision. I wanted to be a mum, I wanted to be Lyra's mum.

I pulled out the stuffed snow leopard and showed Lyra what I found.

"I saw this in the window of a shop on my way home. Your dad's daemon was a snow leopard and I thought you'd like one to cuddle. Her name was Stelmaria, and she was as beautiful as this one.

Lyra instantly took this little toy out of my hand and squeezed it. I noticed Pan took shape of a snow leopard cub. I noticed tears slowly forming in my young child's eyes, "What's wrong dear?" I ask while cupping her face and wiping away her tears.

"It's just all my life I'd imagine walking into a room, seeing my father on his favourite chair reading, his daemon beside him and I'd go and sit on his lap and Pan would play with his daemon"

"Oh darling, it's ok I often wonder what my life would be like if he was still alive"

What is this feeling, grief? Guilt? Whatever it is I don't like it and I need to leave before it consumes me.

"Right, no more moping, let's get dressed and we can go to the theatre then to the museum. You haven't been out for a few days and I bet you are eager for an adventure"

Lyra squealed with excitement, I could see she was defiantly wanting out of the apartment. I laid out some clothes for the occasion.

"When you are done, wait for me at the lift" I then left to get changed.

This will be the second time I take Lyra to the theatre. The first time we had to leave halfway as Lyra wasn't feeling well.

We get there just in time to catch the first act, I didn't realise when it came to children everything took longer to do. About halfway through the program I noticed Lyra was very bored and was getting fidgety in her seat.

"I say we leave this, it's getting very boring"

Lyra looked back to me and nodded her head. Her look was like yes, I want to leave.

Walking out with her little hand in mine, we walked past some people I got introduced to when I was married to Edward.

"Oh Marisa, hello dear who is this? We didn't know you had a child"

I gritted my teeth, these people where people I didn't want to be before I married Edward. "This is Lyra. She recently came back into my life"

I didn't want to stick around, to have to listen to these people belittle me.

"Come Lyra, we are going to be late for a lunch reservation"

Lyra looked at me weird like "We don't have one of those" but didn't say a word and walked off with me.

On our way to the museum, something caught my daemons attention. A small child was running towards us waving their arms like they are running from someone.

"Oh my gosh, I found you Lyra. We've been looking for you, we thought you got snatched"

Lyra looked up at me, the look in her eyes was something I've seen before. She didn't know what to do.

I tried to move us away from this child, then another came and then another. Soon there was about six Gyptian children around us. I memorised their features so I could have my men catch them. I will not let these children ruin my chances at raising my child.