Hushed words (tk)

Numb.

---unedited.

'Hey Taetae!'- Jungkook texted Taehyung, it was 1 in the morning, and he saw the older was active too, so why not text him. 

'Hey Koo, what's up, why are you awake this late? Is everything okay?' -Jungkook smiled slightly. 

'I was just reading a book and didn't realize the time, anyways, umm, Taehyung, do you remember the last time were were playing truth and truth and I had a question left?!'

'Oh yeah, yah, babyboy, you've got a nice memory, huh?'

'Hehe, I have the perfect question for you, and since it's the Truth, you know you have to say the truth~'

'Alright, this is scaring me, Koo, but anyways, ask away babyboy ;)'

'Here it goes: Who's your crush, Taetae?'

No reply...

'Maybe I can help you in asking out your crush you know, that's what we're friends for!'

'Koo...honestly I never thought you'd ask something like this, and that too this soon...I'm not really prepared...'

'Prepared for what, Hyung?'

'I like no one but...'

And Jungkook knew, he knew, he could feel his palms begin to sweat profusely, as his eyes became teary when he read the next lines, 

'It's you, I like you, the day I saw you...running away from someone, your own features, your button nose which was red due to constant sniffing, your doe eyes, hidden beneath the round glasses, and the dark eye bags under them, the faded marks of tears on your chubby cheeks, your pale skin, and wobbly-pouty lips, caught my attention ever since the beginning. And on top of everything, your condition made me brainstorm, for the way your pants were torn near the knees, clearly showing signs of the skin bleeding due to the red patches that had formed on your pants, other than that, the way your shirt's upper two buttons were open, tie loosened, and you were tapping your feet continuously on the floor while wiping your scratched palms together, I knew there was something, something more, especially when you refused to speak or cry, I knew there was more to you, and ever since then, I wanted to know you. Unfortunately, things didn't really go as planned, and I didn't think I'd be saying this to you, but I do like you, Jungkook. I do...'

Jungkook stood up from his bed, and walked over to the washroom, closing the door, letting the lights remain turned off, and looking at his phone, before he wiped his tears harshly. 

'I'm sorry Tae Hyung, but I don't like you the way you do. I'm sorry to break this up to you, but I never felt anything like that. It's alright, I know you'll find someone good for you...'

-oh, how bad it hurt, saying all of it to your own crush, the person whom you began to like more than anything, but there wasn't any other choice, was there? Jungkook didn't dare say his feelings out loud, he didn't want the elder to leave him, he was afraid, afraid that he'll be left alone, and what more, the elder was perfect while he was nothing but worthless.

'Haha, it's okay Jungkook, I understand. I ain't forcing you to like me.'

And Jungkook knew how the other was hiding his pain, behind those laughing emojis. 

'Hyung, mum is coming, I'm going to sleep, take care, bye~'

With that, without checking the further texts, Jungkook switched his phone off, remaining to cry silently, while sitting on the bathroom floor, getting his knees closer to him and pressing himself in between his legs, to feel something, but it didn't help. He felt nothing but overwhelming emotions as if he was drowning. It was becoming harder to breathe normally, and then he felt numb at the same moment. 

He stood up, walked outside, laid down on his bed, and turned towards the window, staring at the dark sky, no moon, no stars, only clouds. 

He smiled to himself, 'Welcome back, pathetic shit.' - He whispered before closing his eyes, letting numbness take over, as he dropped back into the same deep waters of depression, from where he had been trying to swim upwards, or well, from where he had been pulled out by none other than the one whose heart he broke.

One thing was sure, he didn't know how to swim and there was no life jacket, the one that he used, tore open. 

(Hey guys, so, this scene is inspired by my real life. There was this guy, with whom I began to talk, and it gradually went up to the point I share everything personal with him, while he did the same, however, i slowly began to realize how he gave me hints and began to flirt. Also, since we only ever talked via text, it really seemed like a fanfiction. The story was, I joined a new school, and that time classes were online, he was the first one to text me, and I had sweared to myself that i'd never make friends, but once I had a breakdown and texted him, and ever since that day, we began to talk. when schools reopened, I don't know why, but we never talked in person, he was always with his group of friends, and I realized, i had begun to feel jealous over the girls he talked to. A time came, when he told me he had a crush on someone and that he was sure that his crush liked him back too, I wasn't sure but yet, I had played this same game with him, 'Truth or Truth', and the same way, I texted him saying I had the perfect question, and his answer was 'It's you.' To be honest, that day I was the happiest and yet the saddest, because just like Jungkook did here, I too rejected him, saying i didn't like him that way and that he'd sure find someone good for him. He too, just like Tae here, told me it was alright and not to overthink about it, and that's how I knew I liked him too. 

Over next few days, i didn't go to school, and when i did, I saw him telling his friends to leave him alone because he was having an headache. All that while, i wanted to walk up to him and hug him tight, but I didn't, I couldn't. I knew my family won't except it, and since we're just 16, I thought that maybe the feelings would soon be wiped away, and I knew I couldn't handle a heartbreak, but all that while my heart broke seeing him like that, until, a girl, walked up to him and made him laugh. I was jealous, i admit. I also disliked her, because she was too kind and cheerful, while I was just a depressed, introverted freak. 

However, seeing them that way, it hurt, but I smiled, feeling like this way he might get over me. 

That day, while I sat in my bus, and he and the girl was in the seat ahead of me, I saw him flirting with her, but I just ignored, him, the girl, their laughs, and my aching heart. 

That evening he sent me a text saying that the girl admitted she liked him and that he decided to try if stuff works out. 

I cheered him, and told him I was happy for him, which I truly was, but still, I couldn't help but imagine what if it were me instead of her. 

Nevermind, I knew I couldn't handle anything as such as relationship, because I that moment, hated myself, for everything I did. Thsi story is like my life story, except there's no guy, no one who can or will help me. But I'm trying, and with each day moving ahead, I just hope it'd be alright.