Hold Onto Life

Meadow

                                                                                  
(Emily Rudd as Meadow)                                                             

April 19, 2019

I remember the way the doctors told me that my mother was never coming home. How cruel they seemed when I was 6 years old because they seemed so serious and even though they said they were sorry they didn't look sorry. I remembered having to go to my aunts because my so called father left me. I also remember the way kids would sneer at me when I refused to make anything Mother's Day or father's day because the truth was no one knew and I refused to let anyone know. I often felt like I was alone in the world and the only person who understood me was my best friend since kindergarten Rye Manchester. See his father had Bronchial Adenoma just like my mom yet unlike my mother his father got well but was never the same.

Anyway today marks the 12 year anniversary of my mother's death and here I was at her tombstone crying for her.  My mother and I did everything together and when she died I refused to continue my career in singing and dancing because it reminded me to much of my mother.

"Hey your dad told me you'd be here", Rye said as I looked at him through my tear filled eyes. Rye was attractive in a geeky kind of way. He had brown curly hair smoothed back with green hazel eyes. He could be considered my brother because both of us had moonlight pale skin.

"Yeah I was um.....Ya know just visiting. What's going on", I said as I got up and turned to Rye wiping my eyes.

"Well I got us an opportunity to do some research. The hospital is offering positions to go and volunteer helping make the patients happy. And I was wondering if you want to come".

"Yeah sure let me just let my aunt know", I said as I called my aunt. Aunt Jackie had lived in Manhattan, New York her whole life and when she found out my father left me she decided to make me move in and she made it a big dream that I become a doctor. I never wanted to become a doctor but to please her I do it.

"Hey um is it okay if me and Rye volunteer at the hospital", I said

"Yes of course just be home by 10:00 okay love you", Aunt Jackie said as I murmured love you too before hanging up.

I go to Rye and nod following him to our cars. I get in mine and turn on the radio when Andy Grammer's song "Don't Give up on me" comes on. I listen to the lyrics before immediately sobbing again.

I'm not givin' up
I'm not givin' up, givin' up
No, not me
Even when nobody else believes
I'm not goin' down that easily
So don't give up on me

And I will hold
I'll hold onto you
No matter what this world'll throw
It won't shake me loose

I'll reach my hands out in the dark
And wait for yours to interlock
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for you

I then decide to turn off the radio refusing to listen to anything that reminded me of my mom. This was the song I had sung to her 2 days before she had died. We finally arrived at the hospital where I parked and fixed my appearance. I rubbed some lip gloss and wiped my eyes with a tissue. I got out of the car and let Rye fix my short black curly hair before swatting him away.

"Its fine", I growled as he laughed and led me inside the hospital. It was then I realized this was the same hospital my mother died in.  I stop before continuing trying not to cry. I pass by some patients who look at us curiously before a tall beautiful African American woman with beautiful chocolate brown eyes approaches us.