Hold Onto Life

Meadow

(Timothée Chalamet as Rye)

April 24, 2019

It's been three days and hanging out with Hayes as been a blast. I've really gotten to know him and his symptoms. When my mom had it she never really talked about what her symptoms were, in all honesty she never really wanted to to. Hayes was a intriguing character. He had that persona that he could tackle anything without so much as a flinch and yet there were other times he became soft and he vulnerable and acted like he couldn't handle the next day.

I was sitting with him in his room as we waited for the nurse to come give him his medicine. He had promise me he was keeping up with his regimen and such and well I believed him. I didn't see a reason for him to lie to me. He was sitting in bed looking at his phone as I read my book.

"Okay please don't tell me your reading a bullshit romance novel",Hayes as I gasped and laughed shocked acting hurt.

"For your information mister The Fault In Our Stars is a amazing novel. It talks about two sick kids"-

"I'm not listening",Hayes interrupts as he jokingly covers his ears. I gasp giggling and jumping onto him grinning as he laughs smiling. He grabs me by my waist making me straddle his lap as I blush not sure if this was alright. I look away as he strokes my cheek.

"Your beautiful",he whispers as I looked into his eyes. I didn't know how I viewed him at this point. I mean sure he was a friend by could I really consider calling him more than a friend. Who knew if he would survive. I clear my throat and get off moving away.

"Sorry.....So um why aren't you a singer or something? Honestly don't they have a tv show for that",Hayes asked as I stopped and looked away. I looked the locket my mother left me. Oh was my hood luck charm because it was like it fed me wisdom from my mother.

"Um...... I would sing to my mother when she was in pain or needed comfort. I love it but it reminds me so much of her",I admit looking down tears in my eyes.

"I can't sing without her. It's like if I do I am betraying her because she was the only person who really made me feel special",I admit and I don't notice that look of hurt and that flinch in Hayes eyes as I say that.

"Oh.... Yeah but wouldn't she want you to continue pursuing your passion. If your not then it's like your hurting her anyway",he says bluntly as it felt like a slap in my face.

I face him and growl as I was angry. "How could you say that! Everything I've done up to this point is to make her happy"-

"Is it?! Because last I checked you said your aunt made you help out! You said your mother hated you wearing scrubs or being a nurse! So tell me sweetheart are you doing it for your mom or are you doing it to make everyone around you happy",Hayes says as I gulp and I couldn't deny what he said.

"You don't know anything about me. We just met four days ago",i snap as Hayes chuckled.

"I think I do. Tell me if this seems familiar, girl who is amazing at singing and is a happy child loses her mom and her faith in herself. She doesn't stand up for herself at school but rather decides to stay in the shadows",Hayes begins as I gulp. Everything he said so far was true and yet he didn't need to know that.

"Then she is is a loving and doting niece. She gets straight A's, she hangs around the geeks and goodie goodies, then comes homes and does whatever her aunt wants. She doesn't have the balls to stand up and do what she wants because she's afraid"-

"I'm. Not. Afraid.", I said as he rolls his eyes as tears form in my eyes. I needed to leave before I do something I regret. I move to get up but Hayes holds me back by grabbing my wrist.

"Your afraid of being happy without your mother because deep down all you want is to move on. You just want to be yourself",Hayes spats as I slap him and gasp. I looked at him then the floor.

"I need to go",I said as Hayes seems to realize what he did. Regret and hurt is painted across his face as I gulps.

"Meadow I"-

"No it's fine I have to go",I said as I get up off the bed and I move around to the door. Hayes gets up to stop me but just as he does Doctor Burn comes in. She sees my tears and then the handprint on Hayes face and looked between us two.

"Bye Hayes",I said walking out ignoring his calls for me. I just hear Doctor Burn tell Hayes to let me go and I guess he does because he doesn't run after me when I run out and get inside my car. I immediately break down and scream.

Hayes was right. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to sing. To be myself. To be free, but I couldn't. I never told anyone this but the last thing my mother ever told me was "To always make others happy and I would be happy". 

"Your fucking wrong",I spat as I looked at the picture in my car of my mother and I.

"You lied!! I am not happy",I scream as I break down and I hit the steering wheel as hard as I can. Screaming i sigh and grab my phone before I called Rye.

If anyone could help me it was Rye. He was the only person who knew what it was like to watch someone you loved succumb to this cancer. I sigh and looked down before hearing Rye answer.

"Hey what happened ar"-

"I need you",I break down sobbing as I gasp as I grip the steering wheel and sigh.

"Okay okay. Hey calm down where are you",

"I'm at the hospital",

"Okay I'll be there in five minutes don't go anywhere",Rye says before handing up and I nod locking my doors before I lean back and I cry sobbing.
..........................

I looked at my phone and frown. Rye was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago. I sigh and am preparing to just drive home when I see him running to my car.

"Hey sorry I was late.....Um traffic was horrible. Anyways look why don't you come with me. Come home with me. You know my dad and mom love having you", he says as I smile and nod.

"Okay okay",i said as he smirks and he kisses my cheek.

"It's gonna be okay. I always have your back okay",he says as I nod.

I watch him go to his car before starting mind. I believe Rye. Out of everyone in my life Rye was always consistent. He never questioned anything I did or how I felt because he understood. I smile all the way to Rye house knowing that even if things with Hayes went south I still had my best friend.