To Be a Broken Smile (sequel to Tumbling Down - DM Fanfic)

Closer to Comfort (Ch.35)

He kisses my head, holding me even tighter against him.

Tyler: We're gonna be okay, got it? You and me.

I nod, wishing I never showed him my scars. He sees it as his doing. More like he took the razor to my wrist himself.

I'm not sure whether hanging on tighter would help him or not, but I do it because it helps me. I then lean back to look at his face, his green eyes.

I feel tears on my cheeks, and he wipes them with his thumbs.

There's so much I need to say, to do. I can't think anymore, it's all so jumbled up in my head.

I start out with:

Me: It's not your fault.
Tyler: Then whose is it?
Me: Mine. I felt lonely. I felt upset. I'm the one who did this to me.
Tyler: I left you.
Me: No you didn't! This isn't because of you!

I run my fingers up his cheeks, behind his ears. He has to know it's my fault. How do I get him to know that?

Me: It's. Not. Your. Fault. Get it through your head or I will never get rid of my guilt.
Tyler: Why do you have guilt?
Me: Because I'll have made you feel bad for something you didn't do.
Tyler: I'm trying to see that it's not my fault. But I don't want you being sad all the time either.
Me: I'm not though.
Tyler: Then why'd you do it?
Me: Because...

I shake my head and shrug.

Tyler: Mackenzie.
Me: I felt...worthless. I don't know. I'm over it.
Tyler: How could you-
Me: I said I'm over it!
Tyler: I can't have you thinking like that. Otherwise I will think it's my fault.
Me: Why? It's all me.
Tyler: It's my job to keep you happy.
Me: No it isn't! It's my job. Don't think anything about me is your job.

I know he's going to retort, so I kiss him instead.

He leans back to say something, but I press my thumb perpendicularly to his lips until he stops.

I drop my hand, my lips feeling the need to take over.

He holds me at my waist, his fingers tight around me.

I stay in his arms for as long as possible.

He sleeps next to me that night. In those first couple of moments, staring into the darkness, I realize how lonely I have been. My bed isn't as big as it has felt. I'm not all alone, waiting for sleep to take me over. The comfort of someone's presence is here again.

I shift a little and Tyler's arms squeeze my torso. That's all I remember.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I push my head to Tyler's chest, squeezing his waist. I knew this would happen. I knew I would cry. But I wasn't prepared enough.

Tyler: It's not forever. It's not gonna be as long as New York.
Me(muffled): It'll feel like it.
Tyler: Hey.

He pushes my chin up.

Tyler: It's going to be fine. Let your dad take you home tonight. Stay there until the end of the semester. Then you'll be back.
Me: What will people say?
Tyler: "Where have you been?" And you'll say you were at your dad's. That's all it takes.
Me: What about when they ask why?
Tyler: You don't have to tell anyone. Just lie if you want to. Say you wanted to but you missed dance. It's not so hard.

I nod, but hug him tightly again. He hugs me back this time.

Tyler: I love you.
Me(muffled): Love you too.

He kisses my head.

Tyler: You'll be back soon.
Me: I know.
Tyler: Then don't be upset.

Cuz that's easy.