Trust Issues (Book #1 of the Defy series)

Chapter 7: Sea (Aliyah POV)

Trust Issues (Book #1 of the Defy series)

***Mentions of drugs***

Aliyah:

From my position on the couch, I can gaze through our front windows. I can see Kiara and Marco get off a dark yellow bus and make their way to the front door. 

The door nob turns and in walks Kiara, her dark brown hair put up in two perfect puffs. She stopped in her tracks when she spotted me on the couch - causing Marco to walk straight into her back. Her slim face highlighted by her button nose and long lashes. 

She cocks her head curiously - giving me an appraising look. 

She takes two steps forward before turning quickly on her heels and to her room. She could tell something was wrong and that she should get out of the crossfire. She seemed to have an acute sensitivity to people's emotions and a situational awareness that made me envious.

Marco walks fully into the house and shuts the door behind him. He follows his sister to their room and a few moments later he comes storming back.

"You cleaned our room?" He asked the question like I had just killed his cat or something.

But I knew he obviously wasn't upset that I had cleaned his room. But rather that I had found the pills and disposed of them.

"Yes, Marco - I did clean your room. And can you imagine my surprise when I found pills underneath your mattress?" I stood quickly and faced him head-on. "Really? Your grandmother and sister are in here. Even if you have no respect for me you should've thought about them."

He nonchalantly leaned back on the white wall near the door - crossing his legs by the ankle. His sardonic smile made bile rise to the back of my throat. "Aliyah, you're acting like Kiara's a child or something."

"Because she is a child. And you're a child too." I emphasized my words by pointing at their room where Kiara was and back to him.

"I am not a child." He stood straighter and glared at me.

"Well, you sure are acting like one! If you're so grown then why are you still living here, huh? I mean - I love having you here, but under this house, you have to follow me and Gran's rules."

He moved off the wall and walked closer to me. "I mean I can go crash with a friend if you don't want me."

"I do want you! You're my responsibility until your eighteen; in some sense even after that. " I spoke leveling out my tone. "The day I promised to take care of you guys - I meant it."

"Wow, you are so selfless," he scoffed leaning forward. "Why are you really doing this? Do you want a medal or something?"

"I'm doing this because I love you." I gazed straight into his eyes - hoping, no praying that he could see the desperation within them. That he could see that I meant it and wanted the best for him.

"If you love me then why did you get rid of my pills. I need those."

"You don't need those Marco. Can't you see that you're hurting yourself - that you're hurting me?"

"Relax. It's not like I'm stupid enough to use drugs." He raised both of his eyebrows; giving me a look of astonishment and betrayal. Like he couldn't believe that I thought he was using. To be fair I couldn't believe it either. I didn't want to belive it.

" Okay. Then what do you have them for? Why did you have them in your room?" And then the sudden realization hits me like a train. "Oh my God, Marco are you selling drugs?"

"Aliyah, the world doesn't revolve around you."

"That doesn't answer my question. And you can accuse me of a lot of things - but being selfish isn't one of them. My whole life revolves around you guys and this house. I can't afford to be even a little bit selfish." Those words rang true in my heart; causing a dull ache to clench my chest.

Even when I crave to be selfish with every fiber of my being - I couldn't. 

I wouldn't.

A sound reaches my ears and I turn to find Kiara standing in their bedroom doorway - shellshocked. Her eyes move back and forth between me and Marco.

Turning my attention back to Marco I find that he won't meet my eyes; choosing to pick at the lint coating his pants. "Stop with this holier than thou act. You are not my mother." He says almost dejectedly, finally meeting my eyes.

"Wow, really? After I've clothed, loved, and fed you, Marco? All these years of raising and caring for you, because you guy's needed me."

"What's not clicking Aliyah? No one needs you! Kiara doesn't need you and I especially don't need you!" He shouted the last part, leaving the words to permanently echo in my subconscious.

I take a step back as if struck. I can tell that he knows he's gone too far. The anger leaves his face and in its place are remorse and vulnerability. His jaw slackens and he moves as if to touch my arm - but it's too late. The damage was done.

"Aliyah, I'm so sorry. I didn't really mean tha-"

I was out the door and in my car before he could finish the sentence. I needed time to cool down; knowing Kiara would take care of Gran while I licked my wounds alone, I eased out of the driveway.

I know that it's pathetic. A woman in her 20s being hurt by the words of her immature teen brother. The brother she practically raised as her son; as her own.

Parents go through this all the time, right? And they don't throw themselves a pity party.

The thing is that Marco's words usually don't affect me this badly. But the things he said today were words I've told myself. And so they only proved to validate my fears. Somewhere deep down I knew he hadn't meant it.

But what if he did, a little voice kept nagging at me. What if he's right?

I've loved both of my siblings like a mother. Not wanting them to feel the loss of a parent let alone two. But I know that I'm counterfeit, a knock-off, and a fake.

And that's all I'll ever be.

The sister that was never enough.