WE ARE THE D.S (Somos la D.S - English version)

19. SCARS

Arriving at the hospital is an odyssey, stretchers, forms, questions. None of us were in a position to put together a credible story, so I simply decided to lie again with the same thing: "Roman was assaulted outside a discotheque", which didn't seem to convince any of the nurses, considering how dehydrated he was.

Checkups, prescriptions, IVs.

Roman seemed to be worse than we expected, but all we could do was wait, so we stayed, like a couple of night birds all night, with the difference that one of the birds had a broken wing.

"Poor François, I can't imagine how that must feel" Talissa avoids a shudder and rests her lips on the steaming coffee in front of her.

"I can't get the images out of my head, the guy fell in front of me, there was blood. I had to dodge a dead body" I can't help but shiver, my hand does and Talissa reaches for me with hers "I had to dodge him to save Roman.

"I know it may hurt now and reality may seem like the continuation of a bad nightmare, but it will pass. Someday, these will just be memories."

"I'm not even sure if I want this to be a memory."

"None of us want that, least of all François who now carries a huge weight for life. But wounds heal."

"But scars remain and those are fucking damning marks."

"Girls! I need your help, François has just paralyzed in one of the toilets. He can't get out, I think he's having an attack of something."

Malton comes up to us with a look of anguish on his face.

Not giving a damn about the glasses of coffee and the waiting time in the cafeteria, we run through the corridors towards the toilets.

When I get there, I find the toilet door locked and François's arrhythmic breathing. Talissa kicks open the door and I take François in my arms.

With the lid down, sitting on the toilet, his eyes are lost in some empty spot. He looks hopeless and struggles to control his breaths. His body is rocking and crying. He is having a panic attack.

My first impulse is to reach into his arms, take him, hold him, but at times like this he just needs to breathe. So I take his hands: "François, look at me please" he doesn't look at me, he doesn't even seem to respond to my voice "I need to see my savior's eyes, I need you with me, François, breathe. This will pass, it's just a bad moment. Breathe in, find a happy place, find yourself "my words don't seem to work.

What am I doing wrong?

"Imagine Baelee and Bernard with their clothes off," I turn sharply to Malton.

What the hell is he saying?

My eyes return to François who seems to nod.

Does this work?

"Sure, man, imagine being kissed," Talissa joins in.

"Sweaty bodies, Baelee on her knees" well this seems like a lot of information, but it's working. "Bernard on you or you on Bernard, imagine their caresses and how they take Baelee to heaven."

François keeps nodding, but he still struggles with his state, I have to do something to turn off his thoughts. So without thinking I fall on François' lips and kiss him.

His body seems to start to stop and his chest lowers. He calms down.

He kisses me softly and only when I pull away from him does he fall into my arms.

Trembling, his body gently loses its stiffness and I feel his breath in my ear: 

"Thank you"

I stay on him long enough to understand that the dizzying wave has passed.