WE ARE THE D.S (Somos la D.S - English version)

20. LIGHT

"What are you doing here, Baelee?" It's the first thing he says once we're both inside the building.

"What are you doing here?" My answer becomes a question and I don't know where the hell to start or what to say.

"It would be very good if you could answer first why you are wearing François' clothes and have huge dark circles under your eyes?... You and him?

"No, of course not," I take the bag with my order and start walking towards the elevator. "It's complicated to tell, in fact I'm not even sure where to start."

"You could start at the beginning and kill my uncertainty, because finding your girlfriend on a Saturday morning wearing another man's clothes is not something that has too much science to it," I say nothing as I press the elevator button and the doors close. "Are you going to answer me? You're going to have the nerve to tell me you had sex with François behind my back. Now I understand, that's the explanation why François didn't want to meet at Luttia's house for the D.S., to go out with you. If you needed this relationship to open up, it would have been nice to know" for the first time I see anger on Bernard's face and it is for the wrong reasons.

"Things are not as they seem, I swear."

"Tell me, what does this mean then? Sex with François was supposed to be a thing for both of us and now I come to find out that I'm the fucking fool in the relationship."

"Somebody tried to murder me a week ago."

The elevator doors finally open, but neither of you dares to step out of the metal box.

"What do you mean someone tried to murder you? Please, Baelee, tell me this is a fucking joke," the guy next to me seems to hyperventilate for a few seconds.

"As you hear it, François saved my life, I've stayed with him ever since, but "I search for the right words, then I take his hands before entering François' flat "I need you to listen to me and be patient, patient with him. Neither we had sex, nor wearing his clothes means what you think.

We enter François' house and everything looks like I left it.

"Baelee, I need you to tell me what happened" with my finger I signal for silence.

"Look, nothing is easy and I'm not sure if you'll understand, but remember when they met Roman at lunch and Malton wanted to know what the bumps on his face meant? I said they had assaulted Roman," Bernard nods as he puts his butt on the couch. "I lied, we both did that day."

"And what does that have to do with what you're telling me about the attempted murder"

"Everything, Roman's beating, is the beginning of it all."

Bernard listens to me and says little about it once I am done. His actions are limited to hugging me and I cry. I hadn't noticed how much I needed containment from someone. All week I limited myself to visiting Roman and staying up nights with François, that I forgot myself. I forgot the impact that being on the brink of death can have.

Once I dry my tears, I also wipe Bernard's shirt: "I'm sorry," the boy in front of me wipes my tears and kisses my cheek.

"You don't have to say anything, you've said enough."

"Do you understand now?"

"Of course I do, but I'm still angry."

"Bernard, I already said I didn't have sex with François, I only kissed him, twice, but it was necessary."

"Forget about that. What really pisses me off is that you left me out, Baelee. It was your life, your fucking life we talked about. I could have helped, I could have done something for you, for Roman."